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Mystery day (Tuesday 9/18)

How to pick a winner

I've always maintained it doesn't matter a bit who gets the money unless you're a second cousin or better, but some Hamsterwatchers seem to care who wins, so I once again present the following for your rooting enjoyment.. after all, feedsters are more qualified to make a selection than the bitter jurors - we don't see any relevant Diary footage anymore since they record pro & con versions of everything now and they don't air any of the meaty stuff, but we've seen far more than the jury so they too need to use one of these methods:

Played the best game
This is the popular, politically-correct method that everyone claims to use, but nobody really does.. Dan would seem to have the obvious edge here but Ian's right up there and has won a lot more comps.. even Danielle's game was first rate, whether you want to admit it or not: she survived the nominee chair four times, she was the only female HOH and won it twice, along with the veto both of those weeks, plus she was in multiple alliances all along without anyone catching on, and she stuck with her coach/teamie and did what he said to do before and after the reset, which is more than most of them.. the fact that both Ian & Danielle were hoodwinked by Dan at the end would seem to put him in the lead here, but nearly every 'game' falls into one of the other categories so don't feel pressured to root for him through some misguided urge to be PC

Lied the best/most
All three are on nearly equal footing here with their ongoing secret alliance lies, but this one's a little squirrely as it crosses over into ethical/unethical territory, and that leads to arguments about politics and/or religion, and that leads to flame wars every time.. BB2/7 Dr. Will is the exception here: he won by skirting the moral issues and flat-out lied about everything except the fact that he was lying, and he was light years more fun & charming about it than say, Dan

Needs the money most
Please! We all 'need' a half million dollars! Anyone who goes on a tv show to pay their Visa bill or because they can't scrape together the next car payment should consider credit counseling, bankruptcy, gambling, or steady employment - we're all sick of the sob stories.. the fact that BB has already given $500,000 to Dan is irrelevant, as he misted his co-finalists and the jury into forgetting all about that little detail

Cutest/sexiest/dreamiest
Generally a favorite method for feedsters, but more jury members are closet cutest-sexiest-dreamiest voters than they'll admit

Smartest player
A favorite for feedsters and jury alike, it's what most really mean when they say 'best game' - basically it means 'smarter than me' - but given the fact that we're dealing with people who've spent two and a half months pooping on tv, being humiliated for our enjoyment, and making their friends & families ashamed to claim them, most hamsters are eliminated from this category when they complete their BB application

Played like I would
The big daddy for feedsters who haven't caught on that everyone's different and everyone does different things for different reasons.. it's the most popular judging criteria and the dumbest: they aren't you, they haven't seen everything you've seen, and until you're in there for two and a half months of paranoia, daily slander, and Diary messing up your better judgment, you can't possibly know what you'd do in there.. get over it

Backstabbing revenge
One of the elimination categories, this one's about rooting for anyone except the player who took out your favorite (or yourself, if on the jury).. this one usually decides the winner.. in gamespeak it's also known as 'nothing personal'

Creeped me out
Another elimination category and a big one some seasons, this is rooting for anyone except the player who gives you the willies or reminds you of your ex.. more popular among feedsters than the jury, which is odd: they're the ones who lived with the creepies - we can shut 'em off.. feel free to cite this one if you need an excuse to abstain from voting

I just like him or her
Hands-down easiest method because it requires no reasons or explanations, making it the best category to avoid involvement in flame wars.. however, this season has a Danielle exception: you will be expected to back it up with something else in most BB chats, boards, and global social media outlets

Deserves to win
This really means you don't know or don't care and are probably just afraid of getting involved in a flame war.. back it up with something or shift over to 'I just like him or her'.. Danielle fans, take note of the above exclusion or prepare to be flamed - if you prefer to stay flame-free, just keep quiet

Most entertaining
A personal favorite, but this season most of our fun went when Willie got kicked out, and it was depleted a bit more when Janelle, Wil, Britney, Frank and Joe got their respective boots.. Ian would be the favorite here thanks in large part to his co-starring hammock.. Danielle fans can safely use this reason to root for her, thanks in large part to the comedy stylings of As Danielle's World Turns

Played with integrity
This is a nice pipe dream for optimists and romantics, but not much more: in reality tv, the good tend to die young

I hate them all equally
Most feedsters end up here sooner or later

Eek a mouse (Monday 9/17)

And the minutes drag (Sunday 9/16)

Alliance hell

Ratings - Dog Days edition

The annual season retrospective memory show is so dumb, I really don't know why they keep forcing it on us especially when there's actually some good action going on in there. They gave us a few blinks from the 90 minutes of Thursday night's blocked drama, and then they warped from uber-angry Danielle and shell-shocked Ian to the three of them sitting around mimosas and posing in various rooms with their actory voices like old pals on a public access show. While it's fun to see some of the highlights again, more "unseen footage" would be nice, but really it would have been better to run Parts 1 and 2 of the HOH comp in full on Sunday's show, and leave room in the finale for more of the things we really want to see: reactions, bitterness, apologies, revelations, and gossip!
TEAMIES: Kara, Danielle, Jodi WON: Sushi party, 24 hour disco WON PART 1 Stats: 1 HOH, 1 veto, 2 noms* (2/0) *Exempt from nomination until Day 35 You'd think he'd be done now, having strung all his puppets together to get him here to the end, but no. He's working harder than ever now since there's a very large gap in the near future in the size of their three paychecks. Does Dan's manipulation of Danielle border on cruelty? Yes it does, since it turns her emotions upside-down and inside-out on a daily basis lately. Is that her problem for not coping with it better? Perhaps, but I put more blame on CBS and Fly on the Wall Entertainment for casting her on this mess when she was clearly not up to the challenge. Not to mention that the scrutiny that comes with it is like no other show, and she's going to come face to face with that in the very near future.. but The Powers That Be will have moved on by then, and left her behind in the muck.	TEAM DAN WON: 24 hour shackles, field trip Stats: 2 HOH, 2 veto, 4 noms (1/4) If either Dan or Ian takes her to finals, she'll be the third Daniele/Danielle to finish in second place, which would make for a kooky stat. I think Dan will take her if it's his choice, and he's pretty much solidified his own place next to Ian should he get to call it. That leaves Danielle in the disastrous third place finish that requires all of the angst, drama and unfortunate edits, with none of the jury vacation/recovery in paradise©. As Danielle's World Turns returned to primetime tonight with a reunion special featuring Danielle on Dan on CBS, followed by Danielle on Ian on the feeds and Showtime. Will she discover Dan's two-timing her is more serious than she thinks? Will she realize Dan's encouragement to hate on Ian has destroyed her chance to sit next to Ian on Wednesday night? And if she does realize it, will she have time to fix it in time? Tune in tomorrow.
TEAM BOOGIE WON: $4,000, 24 hour dog's life, veto ball WON PART 2 Stats: 3 HOH, 1 veto, 2 noms (2/1) Ian's still under Dan's spell and he fell right into the angry trap that was laid for him, but it was great to see how calmly he took Danielle's tongue-lashing, fascinating to watch him hammock it out afterwards, and delicious to hear his out-loud ranty recap at the end. In his later retell to Dan, he said 'I'd never go against Renegade honor, you know that full well' and I'm trying to find a way to airdrop a dictionary into him. According to the definition of renegade, betraying an alliance named Renegades would make him a full charter member, by definition. He came out looking terrific for a viewer favorite win with the season review show, but that's never been awarded to a finalist before so if you vote on such things, please throw a few votes to Jodi too in case Ian wins Part 3.	TEAM BRITNEY WON: Veto ticket, field trip We got him because 'Bachelorette' didn't want him, and all he knew of BB he saw in hotel sequester. He watched BB13 thru Dominic and he quit BB11 before Final Four, so he didn't fully realize how it really works, and his blindside made for a white-as-a-sheet exit interview. He wasn't the sharpest plastic knife in the drawer, but he stayed patient and even-tempered thru a stolen HOH and many, many hours of Danielle's hot/cold and frigid/scalding. He'll be remembered for repeated offers to pawn himself (especially the one that took), a pastel wardrobe, puka shells, goofy expressions, and peculiar Trump-like hair.
TEAM BOOGIE WON: $1,000, Hawaii trip For weeks she was in the Who? category, prompting me to post Daily Jenn Sightings to remind folks she was still there. She was more visible as the numbers dwindled, but she still isolated herself a lot, with some occasional musician chat to the non-musicians. She made what she termed a BIG MOVE when she veto'd Dan off the block, after burning her clothes and taking slop for three weeks so he wouldn't win the veto - most consider that a dumb move, not a big one. She spent 67 days at summer camp, fell for Dan's Mist like most, and paid for it. She didn't apply to be on the show: they found her on Facebook.	TEAM JANELLE WON: 24 hour hula hoop HE WAS AN ALTERNATE WHO MADE THE CUT. HE WAS OBNOXIOUS FOR AWHILE HE TURNED IT AROUND BY BECOMING COMEDY. HE SHOUTED IN DIARY BUT HE SHOUTED EVERYWHERE AND HIS STORIES MADE TALL TALES LOOK SHORT. HE COOKED ALL THEIR DINNERS AND WASN'T A THREAT TO THE GRILL BUT HIS FOOD HYGIENE NEEDS HELP. HIS CHEAP WEBSITE CRASHED FROM ALL HIS PIMPING BUT I WISH HIM WELL. HE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON BUT NOBODY LISTENED DESPITE HIS VOLUME. JOE INVENTED BIG BROTHER.
TEAM BOOGIE WON: $3,341.49, 1 week spiritard, 1 week carrot, green bath, 24 hour chum showers He was either HOH or nominated every week and he fought hard to stick. He got a reprieve on reset night, and he escaped walking the plank in the cheertard and the carrot, but he was a good sport with both, as well as his chum showers. He was loud and volatile, featuring in the only two fights of the season, but he cooled off quickly and made it up. He seems like a good guy at heart and he has a fabulous laugh. His famous father was the best kept non-game secret.	TEAMIES: Shane, Willie, JoJo WON: 1 week safety, 24 hour shackles She gamed way too hard as a coach and as a player, but she contributed to Willie's pork rind tantrum so kudos for that. She didn't bring as much comedy as she's capable of but when she did, it was hilarious, including early late nights with Janelle and her stellar pre-eviction drunk. It's a shame we didn't get a second season of Just The Tip and that she repeated some of her same mistakes, but she was fun to see again and she'll definitely be missed.
TEAM JANELLE - WON: Nothing She was ditzy and kooky, and didn't seem like she knew what show she was on most of the time (which fits, since she landed here after being rejected from a dating show). She had back problems that looked legit, and worked in her favor more than once. She brought a kitty-cat sleep mask, creative counting methods, unicorns and dreamboard strategy, and while she seems like a nice enough girl who would have been a hit in 1967, her monotone voice won't be missed.	TEAMIES: Frank, Ian, Jenn - WON: $16k He started a bit better this time but degenerated to his old self. His friends in production couldn't save him this time around and he got got. His team survived him but only Frank stuck with him til the end, even though Boogie went for cash rather than working to help him. I'm very relieved to see the back of him for a third and hopefully last time, and I only wish we had a feed for when Dr. Will smacks him upside the head.
TEAM JANELLE - WON: $5,000 He came in with the most entertainment potential we've seen in awhile but other than a few spectacular bursts such as his drunken sushi birthday, he failed to deliver on a regular basis. His Sharon Osbourne was spot-on and so was his Joe, but his quick wit wasn't enough to combat the overall doldrums of the season. He fiddled his hair constantly (like Kaysar), and he pinkyswore Janelle out the door. He starred in two of the three 'The Soup' segments to date, and he'll be missed.	TEAMIES: Wil, Ashley, Joe WON: nothing She was the first coach casualty but she went quietly, robbing us of an updated 'bye-bye bitches'. She didn't have a Howie or Kaysar to work with (or entertain us) this time, and her teamies either didn't know or didn't care how loyally she plays BB. She had some sippy fun but this cast didn't get her shtick, and she had pork rinds thrown at her and mean girl chatter reminiscent of BB6. She drove the early game but didn't play in any veto comps, and that was a huge loss for the season.
TEAM BRITNEY - WON: nothing She promised to bring it, but apparently she left it on Staten Island since she failed to fight even when confronted. She talked a lot but it was mostly the same loops over and over: she only gets along with East Coast girls, she's street-smart, she's loyal, and she's loyal, know what I mean? She was scouted via Facebook to get here, and that's where she should have stayed. Now she can get back to modeling and piloxing.	TEAM BRITNEY - WON: nothing (Possibly forfeited stipend) He spent two weeks laying in HOH bed, parannoying his brains out even though he was perfectly safe, and his fall from HOH was the hardest we've ever seen. He head-butted himself out the door when he might have been saved by veto, so he'll go into the BB blunders pile. I didn't come in with Hantzophobia so I'm grateful for the cheap entertainment he brought, especially the Froot Loops war and Willieisms like 'key-hos', 'corn-ho', and 'totin' pole'. He's the first hamster to pose for his mug shot while his season was still underway.
TEAM DAN - WON: nothing She brought a big name and rep to the show but didn't live up to either. She seemed like a nice enough girl but she didn't bring much to the feeds, and her sister wife wardrobe greatly disappointed her pre-existing fanbase. She'll be remembered for extra shiny knees and little else - she didn't even campaign to stay.	TEAM DAN, for a minute - WON: nothing Most were looking forward to seeing what she'd bring, but she got a raw deal and was gone before the feeds even kicked on. She'd said she was worried about lack of privacy & sleep, missing her family, and slop, so maybe BB wasn't for her, and she got away without airing any dirty laundry. It had to be humiliating to go back in for the group bikini pic but that's how they do things.