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WH-WHUM-squeeeeak-croak (Saturday 9/8)

Dingo's report card

Another day, another Pandora rerun (Friday 9/7)

Ratings - Photojournalism edition

Tonight they went to quick fishies for mentions of Kara and Jodi, and last night they went to fishies for shoutouts to Wil. That kind of thing is just asinine, but today they pulled yet another major crime against their paying customers by giving us 3.5 hours of trivia block for what they all said was a 10 minute comp. If you're still not convinced they hate us, I've got a check from a Nigerian prince I need you to cash...
TEAMIES: Kara, Danielle, Jodi WON: Sushi party, 24 hour disco He keeps zinging both Danielle and Ian but he doesn't do it to Shane and Jenn. I don't know what's up with that, but something is and it's game-related somehow. Telling the Quackers not to warn Jenn of her impending doom to preserve 'harmony' was way out there, even for Dan. The rotating subliminal headwear messages and the recycled wardrobe choices aren't all that, and I don't think he's accomplished many of the fun things he announced on his pre-season checklist. I could be wrong there but let's face it: he's playing a nearly impeccable and brilliant game, but he's only successful at it because the rest of them are so blind and dumb. Emceeing a blind taste test game in an actory voice for Showtime is not what I call entertainment (although Ian practically puking kind of is).	TEAM DAN WON: 24 hour shackles Her recap of the season's cast tonight was a lot more accurate than I would have expected from her - at least til she got to Frank, but he was recent. Otherwise, I think we've pretty much seen everything in her repertoire other than a fight, and I don't know if we'll be so lucky. I'm afraid As Danielle's World Turns is one step away from cancellation (much like Big Brother might be.) Watching her laugh hysterically at Ian almost puking reminded me of how funny he thought it was when she puked on the sun spinny - oh wait, he didn't laugh at that at all.
TEAM BOOGIE WON: $4k, 24 hour dog's life, veto ball HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD The music he gets out of that hammock is simply fantastic. I'm serious: I really like it. It's relaxing, soothing, and mesmerizing like a long Pink Floyd song, and being able to decipher a phrase or two of Ian's muttering to himself is just icing on the cake. His self-mutters are so similar to those of Ralph Fiennes' character in the movie 'Spider' that it's eerie. Fortunately the cause(s) and the rest of the package are nothing alike. (I highly recommend 'Spider' if you have any interest in schizophrenia and/or movies with superb acting and storytelling.)	TEAM BOOGIE WON: $1k, Hawaii trip NOMINATED Seeing what looked like sneak-eating gave us something to talk about for a couple hours but I guess she got some scooby snacks in the veto comp somehow. That's not surprising since nobody who goes on slop for the duration ever fully goes the distance. Some are saying her malaise is due to weakness from slop, but she eats a lot of it and she likes it okay, especially with Joe's recipes to jazz it up. Anyway, it's sold as bodybuilding food, so it's not like it's depleting her energy. Most of the other hamsters who have laid down and died when they were sloppers refused to eat it at all. Nope, our Jenn is simply being antisocial and lazy.
TEAM BRITNEY WON: Veto ticket, mystery prize NOMINATED - HOLDS VETO Day 64 and I'm still not convinced he knows what show he's on, even though he's getting better at remembering factoids from Ian's BB encyclopedia and stories about Dan's season (except the fact that he won it). As Joe so accurately and cleverly said, Shane's 'dumber than a bag of hammers' but I have to give him props for an even temper and patience of a saint in the way he copes with Danielle's on again/off again personality, especially where he's concerned. (Not counting their weird, loud and creepy wrestly stuff, of course.) Along with the veto, he won a 'mystery prize' during the comp today: what the hell does that mean? They'd wait to find out who won it before they decide what to hand out?	TEAM JANELLE WON: 24 hour hula hoop HE WAS AN ALTERNATE WHO MADE THE CUT AND WHILE HE WAS OBNOXIOUS FOR AWHILE HE TURNED IT AROUND BY BECOMING COMEDY. HE SHOUTED IN DIARY BUT HE SHOUTED EVERYWHERE AND HIS STORIES MADE TALL TALES LOOK SHORT. HE COOKED ALL THEIR DINNERS AND WASN'T A THREAT TO THE GRILL BUT HIS FOOD HYGIENE NEEDS HELP. HIS CHEAP WEBSITE CRASHED FROM ALL HIS PIMPING BUT I WISH HIM WELL. HE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON BUT NOBODY LISTENED DESPITE HIS VOLUME.
TEAM BOOGIE WON: $3,341.49, 1 week spiritard, 1 week carrot, green bath, 24 hour chum showers He was either HOH or nominated every week and he fought hard to stick. He got a reprieve on reset night, and he escaped walking the plank in the cheertard and the carrot, but he was a good sport with both, as well as his chum showers. He was loud and volatile, featuring in the only two fights of the season, but he cooled off quickly and made it up. He seems like a good guy at heart and he has a fabulous laugh. His famous father was the best kept non-game secret among several.	TEAMIES: Shane, Willie, JoJo WON: 1 week safety, 24 hour shackles She gamed way too hard as a coach and as a player, but she contributed to Willie's pork rind tantrum so kudos for that. She didn't bring as much comedy as she's capable of but when she did, it was hilarious, including early late nights with Janelle and her stellar pre-eviction drunk. It's a shame we didn't get a second season of Just The Tip and that she repeated some of her same mistakes, but she was fun to see again and she'll definitely be missed.
TEAM JANELLE - WON: Nothing She was ditzy and kooky, and didn't seem like she knew what show she was on most of the time (which fits, since she landed here after being rejected from a dating show). She had back problems that looked legit, and worked in her favor more than once. She brought a kitty-cat sleep mask, creative counting methods, unicorns and dreamboard strategy, and while she seems like a nice enough girl who would have been a hit in 1967, her monotone voice won't be missed.	TEAMIES: Frank, Ian, Jenn - WON: $16k He started a bit better this time but degenerated to his old self. His friends in production couldn't save him this time around and he got got. His team survived him but only Frank stuck with him til the end, even though Boogie went for cash rather than working to help him. I'm very relieved to see the back of him for a third and hopefully last time, and I only wish we had a feed for when Dr. Will smacks him upside the head.
TEAM JANELLE - WON: $5,000 He came in with the most entertainment potential we've seen in awhile but other than a few spectacular bursts such as his drunken sushi birthday, he failed to deliver on a regular basis. His Sharon Osbourne was spot-on and so was his Joe, but his quick wit wasn't enough to combat the overall doldrums of the season. He fiddled his hair constantly (like Kaysar), and he pinkyswore Janelle out the door. He starred in two of the three 'The Soup' segments to date, and he'll be missed.	TEAMIES: Wil, Ashley, Joe WON: nothing She was the first coach casualty but she went quietly, robbing us of an updated 'bye-bye bitches'. She didn't have a Howie or Kaysar to work with (or entertain us) this time, and her teamies either didn't know or didn't care how loyally she plays BB. She had some sippy fun but this cast didn't get her shtick, and she had pork rinds thrown at her and mean girl chatter reminiscent of BB6. She drove the early game but didn't play in any veto comps, and that was a huge loss for the season.
TEAM BRITNEY - WON: nothing She promised to bring it, but apparently she left it on Staten Island since she failed to fight even when confronted. She talked a lot but it was mostly the same loops over and over: she only gets along with East Coast girls, she's street-smart, she's loyal, and she's loyal, know what I mean? She was scouted via Facebook to get here, and that's where she should have stayed. Now she can get back to modeling and piloxing.	TEAM BRITNEY - WON: nothing (Possibly forfeited stipend) He spent two weeks laying in HOH bed, parannoying his brains out even though he was perfectly safe, and his fall from HOH was the hardest we've ever seen. He head-butted himself out the door when he might have been saved by veto, so he'll go into the BB blunders pile. I didn't come in with Hantzophobia so I'm grateful for the cheap entertainment he brought, especially the Froot Loops war and Willieisms like 'key-hos', 'corn-ho', and 'totin' pole'. He's the first hamster to pose for his mug shot while his season was still underway.
TEAM DAN - WON: nothing She brought a big name and rep to the show but didn't live up to either. She seemed like a nice enough girl but she didn't bring much to the feeds, and her sister wife wardrobe greatly disappointed her pre-existing fanbase. She'll be remembered for extra shiny knees and little else - she didn't even campaign to stay.	TEAM DAN, for a minute - WON: nothing Most were looking forward to seeing what she'd bring, but she got a raw deal and was gone before the feeds even kicked on. She'd said she was worried about lack of privacy & sleep, missing her family, and slop, so maybe BB wasn't for her, and she got away without airing any dirty laundry. It had to be humiliating to go back in for the group bikini pic but that's how they do things.