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McCrae's MusingsWelcome to BB15 McCrae Olson's corner of Hamsterwatch! Here you'll find his "On The Block" shows talking Big Brother with his BB15 cohort Spencer Clawson and others, as well as periodic blogs about all things Big Brother
Be sure to follow McCrae on Twitter and Twitch for more!
Big Brother OTT with Spencer Clawson - November 28, 2016
Big Brother OTT with Spencer Clawson - November 28, 2016
Big Brother OTT with Judd Daugherty - October 26, 2016
Big Brother OTT with Judd Daugherty - October 12, 2016
Big Brother 18 with Jason Roy - August 24, 2016
Big Brother 18 with Spencer Clawson, Joel Levevre - August 16, 2016
Big Brother 18 with Jason Roy - August 3, 2016
Big Brother 18 with viewer calls - July 27, 2016
Big Brother 18 with viewer calls - July 26, 2016
Big Brother 18 with Jason Roy - July 20, 2016
Big Brother 18 with viewer calls - July 19, 2016
Big Brother 18 with Jason Roy, viewer calls - July 13, 2016
Big Brother 18 with Vanessa Rousso, John "Johnny Mac" McGuire - July 7, 2016
Big Brother 18 first eviction with Neda Kalantar - June 30, 2016
Big Brother 18 cast reveal with Jason Roy, Spencer Clawson - June 15, 2016
Big Brother Canada 4 with Spencer Clawson - May 19, 2016
Big Brother Canada 4 live from Toronto with Spencer Clawson - May 13, 2016
Big Brother Canada 4 with Spencer Clawson - May 5, 2016
Big Brother Canada 4 with Spencer Clawson - April 28, 2016
Big Brother Canada 4 with Spencer Clawson - April 21, 2016
Big Brother Canada 4 with Spencer Clawson - April 14, 2016
Big Brother Canada 4 with Dallas Cormier, Spencer Clawson - April 6, 2016
Big Brother Canada 4 with Spencer Clawson - March 31, 2016
Big Brother Canada 4 with Spencer Clawson - March 24, 2016
Big Brother Canada 4 with Jordan Parhar, Spencer Clawson - March 18, 2016
Big Brother Canada 4 with Spencer Clawson - March 12, 2016
Big Brother Canada 4 with Spencer Clawson - March 8, 2016
Big Brother Canada 4 with Spencer Clawson - March 4, 2016
Big Brother Canada 4 cast reveal with Spencer Clawson, Bruno Ielo - February 29, 2016
Big Brother Canada 4 wildcard voting twist with Spencer Clawson - February 23, 2016
Big Brother 17 with James Huling, Spencer Clawson - October 5, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Liz Nolan, Spencer Clawson - October 4, 2015
Big Brother 17 with John McGuire, Spencer Clawson - October 1, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Austin Matelson, Spencer Clawson - September 30, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Steve Moses, Spencer Clawson - September 29, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Spencer Clawson - September 19, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Spencer Clawson - September 15, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Brendon Villegas, Spencer Clawson - September 14, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Jason Roy, Spencer Clawson - September 10, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Spencer Clawson - September 7, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Matt Iseman, Spencer Clawson - September 5, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Spencer Clawson - September 3, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Spencer Clawson - August 31, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Ian Terry, Spencer Clawson - August 29, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Spencer Clawson - August 27, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Adam Poch, Spencer Clawson - August 24, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Christine Brecht, Spencer Clawson - August 22 , 2015
Big Brother 17 Jason Roy with Spencer Clawson - August 20, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Alec Beall, Peter Brown, Spencer Clawson - August 17, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Spencer Clawson - August 15, 2015
Big Brother 17 Clay Honeycutt with Spencer Clawson - August 13, 2015
Big Brother 17 Jason Roy with Spencer Clawson - August 9, 2015
Big Brother 17 Clay Honeycutt press day with Spencer Clawson - August 7, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Spencer Clawson - August 6, 2015
Big Brother 17 Jeff Weldon with Spencer Clawson - August 3, 2015
Big Brother 17 Jason Roy press day with Spencer Clawson - July 31, 2015
Big Brother 17 Audrey Middleton with Spencer Clawson - July 29, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Spencer Clawson - July 27, 2015
Big Brother 17 Audrey Middleton press day with Spencer Clawson - July 24, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Spencer Clawson - July 20, 2015
Big Brother 17 Jeff Weldon with Spencer Clawson - July 17, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Spencer Clawson - July 16, 2015
Big Brother 17 Da'Vonne Rogers with Spencer Clawson - July 10, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Spencer Clawson - July 9, 2015
Big Brother 17 with Spencer Clawson - June 26, 2015
Big Brother Canada 3 Brittnee Blair with Spencer Clawson - June 15, 2015
Big Brother Canada 3 Godfrey Mangwiza with Spencer Clawson - June 14, 2015
Big Brother Canada 3 Pilar Nemer with Spencer Clawson - June 14, 2015
Big Brother Canada 3 Kevin Martin with Spencer Clawson - June 13, 2015
Big Brother Canada 3 Willow MacDonald with Spencer Clawson - June 12, 2015
Big Brother Canada 3 Jordan Parhar with Spencer Clawson - June 12, 2015
Big Brother Canada 3 Sarah Hanlon with Spencer Clawson - June 11, 2015
Big Brother Canada 3 Bruno Ielo with Spencer Clawson - June 11, 2015
Big Brother Canada 3 Zach Oleynik with Spencer Clawson - June 10, 2015
Big Brother Canada 3 Ashleigh Wood with Spencer Clawson - June 9, 2015
Big Brother Canada 3 Finale recap with Spencer Clawson - June 3, 2015
Big Brother Canada 3 with Spencer Clawson - May 23, 2015
Big Brother Canada 3 with Spencer Clawson - May 14, 2015
Big Brother Canada 3 with Spencer Clawson - May 11, 2015
Big Brother Canada 3 Naeha Sareen with Spencer Clawson - April 25, 2015
Big Brother Canada 3 Johnny Colatruglio with Spencer Clawson - April 24, 2015
Big Brother Canada 3 first month review with Spencer Clawson - April 20, 2015
Big Brother Canada 3 cast reveal #2 with Spencer Clawson, Arlie Shaban, Jon Pardy - March 19, 2015
Big Brother Canada 3 cast reveal #1 - March 17, 2015
On The Block #30 with Spencer Clawson, Donny Thompson - October 4, 2014
On The Block #29 with Spencer Clawson, Christine Brecht - October 3, 2014
On The Block #28 with Spencer Clawson, Jocasta Odom - October 3, 2014
On The Block #27 with Spencer Clawson, Victoria Rafaeli - October 2, 2014
On The Block #26 with Spencer Clawson, Caleb Reynolds - October 1, 2014
On The Block #25 with Spencer Clawson, Hayden Voss - October 1, 2014
On The Block #24 with Spencer Clawson, Derrick Levasseur - September 30, 2014
On The Block #23 with Spencer Clawson, Cody Calafiore - September 30, 2014
On The Block #22 with Spencer Clawson, Andy Herren - September 21, 2014
On The Block #21 with Spencer Clawson - September 15, 2014
On The Block #20 with Spencer Clawson (solo) - September 9, 2014
On The Block #19 with Spencer Clawson - September 2, 2014
On The Block #18 with Spencer Clawson (solo) - August 22, 2014
On The Block #17 with Spencer Clawson (solo) - August 20, 2014
On The Block #16 with Spencer Clawson, Arlie Shaban - August 15, 2014
On The Block #15 with Spencer Clawson, Amber Borzotra - August 13, 2014
On The Block #14 with Spencer Clawson, Devin Shepherd - July 22, 2014
On The Block #13 with Spencer Clawson, Paola Shea - July 14, 2014
On The Block #12 with Spencer Clawson, Joey Van Pelt - July 10, 2014
On The Block #11 with Spencer Clawson, GinaMarie Zimmerman - July 3, 2014
Rob Has a Podcast - Big Brother Canada 2 with Rob Cesternino, Brian Lynch - May 6, 2014
On The Block #10 - King of the Nerds with Spencer Clawson, Jack Hou, Melissa from Reality Recaps - May 3, 2014
On The Block #9 - Big Brother Canada 2 with Spencer Clawson, Andy Herren - April 25, 2014
On The Block #8 part 1 - part 2 - Big Brother Canada 2 with Spencer Clawson, Sarah Miller - April 18, 2014
On The Block #7 - Big Brother Canada 2 with Spencer Clawson, Andrew Gordon - April 11, 2014
Big Brother Canada Insider - Big Brother Canada 2 with Brendan Cooney - April 4, 2014
On The Block #6 part 1 - part 2 - King of the Nerds 2 with Spencer Clawson, Zack Storch, Melissa of Reality Recaps - April 2, 2014
On The Block #5 - Big Brother Canada 2 with Spencer Clawson, Paul Jackson, Kyle Shore - March 23, 2014
On The Block #4 - Big Brother Canada 2 with Spencer Clawson - March 20, 2014
On The Block #3 - Big Brother Canada 2 with Spencer Clawson - March 14, 2014
JuddNation - Big Brother Canada 2 with Judd Daugherty - March 11, 2014
On The Block #2 - Opposite Worlds with Spencer Clawson, JR Cook, Jeffry Calle - March 9, 2014
On The Block #1 - Big Brother Canada 2 with Spencer Clawson - March 7, 2014
From the mind of McCraeMay 17, 2014 - Wacky Canadian adventure, Part 1
"...and it's a story that might bore you" but that's a given with all my stories...
I'm sitting in my house right now listening to Seal's "Kiss from a Rose." Why I felt the need to tell you that is beyond me. Where were we last time? So much has happened since my last blog, most of which I will completely ignore or just gloss over, but probably the former.
Big Brother Canada has officially wrapped up, which you already know. I think overall it's been an awesome season, with great houseguests. FUCK. Sorry for that outburst. It's my frustration at how to start this piece of shit article. Hmm I guess as cliché as it sounds I should probably start from the start. I was a twinkle in my dad's eye... all right, that's a little far back... (ish look at that despicable filler)
As soon as this season started, I knew I wanted to be at Canada's finale. If I was going to go on a trip there is no place I would rather be than in Canada for Big Brother. I scrimped and saved, and plans fell into place and the stars were aligning. A bunch of us were going so I knew it would make for a great trip. Judd flew to Florida and we flew out of Florida, heading for the Great White North.
We got to Canada in one piece and took a shuttle to Peter's swanky apartment that overlooks the CN Tower. A fantastic view! Alec was already there and the first thing we did was break out the GameCube and start Smashing. For all of Alec's bragging online, I was totally sandbagging him. When I turned it on, I would 2-stock him. You gotta give people something sometimes or they would never play again. And that's not to say he isn't good. He is very smart and a very smart player. Very adaptive. Quickly recognizes patterns. Once he has his tech skill he is going to be a better player than myself. Enough about that shit you don't care about. We ended up going to AJ's house that night.
The next day all the other idiots arrived. Liza took us all to film with her in her studio. It was a grand ol' time. That night we all went out drinking and met Kat out at the bars. We couldn't go back to AJ's that night because he lived out of town so me and Spencer decided to go back to Kat's place and stay on her couch. Kat is AMAZING. One of the nicest, most down to earth genuine people I've ever met. She would be in my friend circle back in MN. Also that night was the night I live streamed all of us Big Brother fools watching the second to the last episode together. The coolest was that I got to live stream it for all of you good folks. You can find it by going to twitch.tv/chumlord/b/526810520. (Although this paragraph is totally backwards, this is like a map to my mind and how it works, this is how I remember the events.) This was also the night that I got to meet a lot of the BBCan1 folks and everyone from pre-jury from BBCan2. Everyone was so awesome and it was really cool to see these 2-D faces come to life in front of me and bullshit with me and just have a lot of fun together.
I think I'll get into more of my interactions and the rest of my trip in this multi-piece article, which I'm titling "McCrae's wacky Canadian booze-fueled adventure." Thank you for reading Part 1... next week Part 2! LIVE FINALE... insanity ensues.. and what you didn't see at the live finale.
Everyone check out my stream at Twitch.tv/chumlord and make sure you follow so that you can get an email every time I go live!
April 12, 2014 - Journal entry
On my way to the mansion... My uncle said it would only be one night in the mansion and after that the inheritance would be mine. Little did I know that my uncle had given this same promise to 14 other people....
This is the start of the BB15 audio drama I want to make. I don't know where to go after that really, but I still giggle at the idea. It's 7:02 AM on a Saturday morning and I'm watching "Mad Men". As if you cared. Dingo has been on my ass to get this blog done and I'm still not sure what I'm going to write about. I suppose I'll make it up as I go along. Lets seeeeee....
In BBCan2 news, uhh double eviction, Kenny and Sarah went home and it's a bummer because Kenny was a good player and Sarah was just a great person. But only one can win and those bastard producers in Canada put too many awesome people in this season! Damn you, Kass! I love them all. I have a feeling it's going to get brutal on the internet in a bit when the sloppy seconds have to turn on each other. But that is the fun of the game? Ugh that whole last paragraph seemed so ham fisted and uptight. Garbaldy guck.
In other news, everyone is at Reality Rally and it makes me sad. I want to be there so bad. And it really didn't hit me till I realized Phillip from "Survivor" (best player ever/CIA agent extraordinaire) was going to be there. I would have loved to meet that goofy bastard. And I say goofy bastard in the most loving way. Hell, before we went into the house we had to hashtag something and mine was #goofybastard. I'm not sure if you guys saw that or not.
This is turning into the worst article I maybe have ever written. Maybe I will add on one of my speeches from school onto this. Oh god then I will really feel like an asshole. As if you care about me or who I am. All you fuckers just want me to be McCrae from BB15. And sure, I am, but at the same time, me being so self-aware of the show and the community had naturally made me a more conscious, guarded and quiet person on the show. FUCK MCCRAE AND HIM SLEEPING AND WHEN WILL HE SHOWER AND WHY ISN'T HE DANCING AROUND LIKE A TRAINED MONKEY FOR ME.
OK well I knew I had to entertain and I tried, but at the same time I would have been going crazy if I wasn't in that bed all day. My dreams were my favorite place in the Big Brother house. My dreams were always sooo vivid and real while I was there. Everyone else would take their nicotine patches off before they went to sleep and I would purposefully keep mine on just to have fucked up dreams. I love dreams. And I don't see them as vividly as I did in the BB house. (p.s. I didn't shower the last 2 days)
On to the garbage stuff. I know that Dingo will cringe while reading all of this but I guess now is as good a time as any to address Amanda's video retelling of our relationship for the whole world.
Everyone seems to think that my letter means that I didn't really like Amanda and that I was faking the whole thing. This is not true. I liked Amanda and really thought it might have worked out. I wouldn't have even bothered if I KNEW it wouldn't work. Call me King Idiot (which I call myself often) but I am a young, ignorant, inexperienced douchebag and really didn't know what I wanted out of love and relationships and all that mushy stuff. I call myself a hopeless romantic and it really shows on the show and in my letter to Jessica. But really, I liked Amanda when I was in the house and when I came out. Not everything worked out in that relationship and I tried as hard as I could to make it work. I would really be sad if I didn't know that I tried everything I could to make our relationship work. You know, sometimes things aren't meant to be.
But that's what learning and growing up is all about. Learning about what you like and what works for you and why it doesn't work. I'm sorry to everyone that is sad that Amanda and myself didn't work out but you have to realize that it pains Amanda and myself much more than anything you could feel. Sure I'm sad it didn't work out. That sucks. I feel bad for it all and how it went down.
As for me cheating? Well I really didn't sleep with any other girls while I was dating Amanda so there is that. I wrote that letter to Jessica, which was a way to deal with the crushing guilt I felt. Sure that is a form of cheating I guess but in all reality what is more important? I needed to write that to get it off my chest. Sure I didn't need to send it but at the same time, even if you take out the Jessica element, I would have needed to get out of that relationship. The therapist from BB told me that my depression may be related to the fact that I feel like I hurt Jessica.
This is becoming a ramble jamble... I'm sorry to everyone that is hurt by me or is sad at what I have become because honestly I'm sad at what I have become. But that is me. I would be sad at what I have become no matter if I was on BB or not. Because that's who I am, a sad little shit head. I want to say sorry to anyone that feels wronged by me. I don't want anyone to feel wronged, but if it does make you feel better, then please attack me. I'm a big boy (hardly) and can take it. I feel like I'm missing a lot but that just leaves room for another blog...
I feel like I need to leave on a good/happy/not depressing note (was that depressing?), well you're not going to get that, you greedy bastards. Indulge in my sadness, motherfuckers.
I have to turn on my other computer to bring up my other speeches to post, so at this point I'm saying fuck it till next blog. I'll leave you with this:
The reason you haven't felt it is because it doesn't exist. What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons. You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. -Don Draper
Thank you for reading.
Screencap by @lizziem979
March 15, 2014 - A fistful of booze
Just had an interesting night. Hung out with Aneal a bit before his formal. He hasn't been watching too much Canada because of his studies. His mouth dropped when I mentioned that Allison kissed Andrew. It's moments like that when I think to myself, how fucked up is it that I'm telling Aneal about BBCan2? Anyways, I got home, Travis wants me to go to a bar, I'm hesitant at first but decide it could be fun. Travis has been drinking whiskey so I know there could be some fun. Sure enough, it's drunken ramblings and incoherent bibble babble all shouted at me with the volume turned up to 11. I started posting videos of him to slow him down (see my Instagram @mccraeole - shameless plug).
On the way home I started thinking about Aneal's reaction to me telling him that Allison was caught smooching with Andrew. Allison had so much going for her, and now she is in a showmance?!?!?!?!? I'd watched a bit of the #bbcan2 timeline while I was at the bar (diehard looZer fan) and time and time again I saw people say "NOOOOO Allison" and "I didn't vote for her to be in a showmance!" and "Scott would have been more entertaining."
Call me biased but I feel like I have to stand up for Allison. I know exactly what she is going through. I told production that I would be willing to have a showmance if it helped my game. The only problem was that I'm a pussy and got wrapped up in it all. I needed someone to help me, and Amanda needed me to help her. It was very symbiotic and it went beyond the game. That was where me and Amanda lost the game in my opinion. We both became consumed by our relationship and the game came secondary. But on the other hand, it made the whole game a lot easier and a lot more fun. But I love the game, I love the strategy, I love the psychology of it all. Elissa called me out on psycho-analyzing her and she was right, but that's what I do when I watch the feeds and I think that is a lot of the fun of the feeds. I love/loved critiquing the game and how people are playing it. When I see viewers attack people's looks I cringe because really it's like saying that Seal sucks because of his scars - more like Seal is amazing because of Kissed From a Rose and he has those scars which makes him even more awesome and mysterious, but I digress...
The psychology of the game is what makes it truly beautiful. You can watch people from all sorts of backgrounds interacting and sharing relationships. My point is that of course you didn't "vote for Allison to be in a showmance" and of course you are not going to agree with a person's every choice in the game. If you were watching Season 2 (I didn't watch it live) and you were a fan of Dr. Will and saw him do some of the stuff he did, you would be like "NOOOOOO Will!" In my head it was like well, the showmances never work out but maybe it just hasn't been played right. And you know, maybe that's what Allison thinks. I have full confidence in her to make the decisions she sees fit and to be a player that I never was.
And that's what we should all want in our super fan players, to use their knowledge of seasons past to push the game into new boundaries and to be entertaining. I was 0 of the 2, but my real point is that most people bitch about models getting in every season and not enough super fans. Finally we can pick a super fan to be on the show and we bitch about them because they are not playing the game "we" want them to play. Super fans are fun because they have the knowledge we have, so let them play the game they think they can play because really, none of us are the same people and really, that's what makes this show so beautiful. Let the players play and just marvel at the idea that you are seeing a brand new strategy coming to life before your very eyes.
You know, I don't really know shit about anything and this is all just my opinion. My opinion should be taken as that and only that, an opinion from a 24-year-old who has watched and loved Big Brother and then somehow got on the show. I don't think being on the show has given me any more knowledge on the subject, but just another perspective. Please don't take my words as anything but opinion and please, please go out and do your own critical thinking about Big Brother. Although that sounds ridiculous, any thinking about BB is really thinking about humanity in general and the relationships we find within humanity. But just don't arbitrarily exclude people from your study because you find them annoying, always think about the game each player is playing and you will find a more satisfactory experience while watching BB.
My name's McCrae,
Thank you for reading.
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