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March 26, 2008 - Day 48 (or 49)

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>> Chelsia evicted 5-0 - Natalie won Head of Household <<

Hurry up and wait

Chelsia seems ready for the inevitable

She started the day by making/serving breakfast in bed for James, as if he was the one going again

Everyone else is on reruns: Sharon still replaying Jacob stories, Sheila still must win HOH and must see pics of her son, and Joshuah wondering if he'll finally taste the block

Natalie's still scouring her Bible for hamster-relevant meanings.. she too says she'll win HOH tonight since her birthday's on Election Day and she's wearing flag colors: they got "Hail to the Chief" during their run-through for the comp.. they think the Q&A will be about goners, not themselves
oops, Natalie's birthday is November 7, three days after Election Day 2008

The Great Cornholio

Chelsia walked the plank as scheduled, and gave an entirely new meaning to "going out with dignity"


James donned her red robe as soon as the feeds came back, and had a quick but probably futile chat with Natalie as she packed to move upstairs.. Joshuah also had a quick word, also futile

Natalie was overjoyed with her long letter from home and with all her goodies, and rightly so
Everyone went up to see her stuff (which included new knee socks) and see her pics.. Adam & Ryan worked off a little joy.. Sheila stuck around to have some of Natalie's booze

Diva Joshuah

The other day he actually said he goes clubbing "with an entourage".. I bet he could use a getup like this

He waved to a passing plane, saying it was Chelsia on her way to New York - right about the time she was finding out she wasn't going to get her first visit to the Big Apple after all

Naturally Joshuah's nervousing tonight, but he seems to be working hard to keep it to a dull roar.. James on the other hand headed right up to Natalie's HOH room and made a pitch to go to finals with her, after which she had a cahoots-type convo with Joshuah & Sheila.. say what you like about Natalie - and you know you do - she still has the best variety of expressions of all of them

Sharon ran screaming out of Diary, mortified that they asked her about her REALLY REALLY REALLY LOUD Jacob story of the other night, and apparently shocked that it's "all over the internet".. and thus another penny drops about all the cameras surrounding them and the mics they wear
It's all good for both Adam & Ryan, who get another free week of no stress and all they can eat

Rode hard - put away wet

The guys told Sheila how BB8 Eric had talked about seeing Sheila's Penthouse pics.. she was livid they hadn't told her before, and she figured that's why he was looking at her funny (no Sheila, he always looks at people that way)

That led to a tirade about Chelsia's parting tirades and Sheila's genitalia in general.. James poked at Sheila about that topic, and at Sharon about her sex story, further endearing himself to each of them

Joshuah and his undies roamed the habitat before heading up to HOH.. Natalie & Sheila did a lot of rehashing, like they do, and you could almost see the thought bubble above Joshuah's head: "Who cares about all this? What about tomorrow and me?!!"

Natalie told them about James approaching her, and sounded like she isn't going to bite on that bait

James did his now-usual Night Prowling after everyone went to bed, smoking a butt from the ashtray outside before settling down to another game of chess with/against himself

'Tis the time of the season when hatred blooms in there and out here.. sometimes it's hard to remember that whatever else they are, they're brave enough to put themselves out there for our amusement, and that it's only a tv show

Daily videos

James makes a Final Two pitch to Natalie is posted in the forum, linked top & bottom of every page

Daily ratings - Make your parents proud edition

VTE = Voted to evict
Ratings are based on entertainment value.. can we please have some?

Wednesday show's was an odder mix than usual. They made James & Chelsia's raunchy thing look like innocent puppy love, and her rabid rage over the eggs & bunny looked almost cute. You have to wonder why Matt's nomination tears became a comedy bit while Chelsia's got the tinkly piano, but all that misleading buildup made her ugly exit comments come across that much uglier. James called her a 'huge raging bitch' but then came back with a sappy farewell to secure him a jury vote (and it looked like it worked: Chelsia got misty watching it and apparently forgot she'd just seen him celebrating her demise.) Adam's backstory and family were good to see, especially the flying subtitles, but Julie's baby food cracks fell flat. Maybe they were a coded message from home? That's my theory anyway. The HOH comp was a good one and it was nice to let us have some input, but they really should have included some of the meatier questions along with the fluff, especially which one of them do we find most trustworthy. That would have ruffled a few feathers in there.

Won: Motorcycle
Paired with Sheila

No vote (HOH)
I'm counting on him to liven things up this week. He's the only one who seems like he might still have some stories we haven't heard 100 times. Even if they're not good stories, at least he's funny in the telling.

Paired with Chelsia

VTE Chelsia
It's ironic that Chelsia kept bashing Natalie for needing more education, yet she fell for this guy. He's smart, but far from booksmart, which seems to be her criteria. He won her jury vote (if he sticks til then, which looks doubtful) by hinting they might be together after BB, but last night he told her tears they'd go their separate ways after this. Well, she hears what she wants to hear and he knows that. He was gutsy to offer an F2 deal to Natalie, but in what universe does he think she of all people would buy what he's selling?

Paired with Neil  Sharon

VTE Chelsia
The evening gloves and swim goggles were a cute ensemble, and he was almost funny lamenting about his situation while wearing them but not quite. I'm not sure why he thinks he's entitled to breeze through 80 or so days of treachery to win the money without ever being nominated, but apparently he does. It's looking like he'll need to readjust his outlook on all that tomorrow.

Paired with Matt

VTE Chelsia
Big ups for winning when it was crucial she did, but those ups are tempered by her now-constant routine that divine intervention made it so. Enough!

Won: $10,000
Jen's boyfriend Paired with Allison

VTE Chelsia
Got DiGiorno's?

Paired with Jacob (her ex)  Joshuah

No vote (nominee)
Yes Sharon, everybody heard it. It was impossible not to thanks to the volume you told it.

Paired with Adam

VTE Chelsia

Won: $21,000 Vegas trip
Paired with James

Sometimes a spitfire who gave us good fights & fireworks but she laid around with James way too much, which was her undoing and ours. She'll be remembered for feedmasters' attempts to protect her, strip/lap dance/makeout night, having sex, raunchy stories, a colorful vocabulary, getting smashed, smashing everyone's Easter eggs, and for going out with the nasty speeches they all threaten but rarely follow through with.

Paired with Natalie

America's Playa came on strong, prepared to showmance his way through all the girls and into the money. That didn't work out but he was fun to have around and he usually kept things light amid the chaos. He brought BJs to the feeds and made Bibles fun in there. Despite the fact that he's a pig, he has some good qualities too and he kinda grows on you.

Paired with Ryan

She called it manipulation - I call it emotional blackmail with a lot of 'poor me' thrown in. One of the most delusional hamsters ever (and that's saying something), she's the poster girl for Can Dish It Out But Can't Take It. She did give us some confrontation doozies and fireworks deluxe but trust her, like one million percent, she does not care.

Revive-a-Hamster winner & loser
Paired with Amanda

He started out looking like he was on board with Matt's showmance plan and CBS picked up that angle, but then we got to know a bright, charismatic, and goofy guy who had everything going for him in there except his partner. His diplomacy was remarkable and he might have gone the distance, but he went out as another casualty of 'Til Death Do You Part'.

Paired with Alex

She began with hysterics & drama and was at the center of the biggest BB fight ever, but she went out with more of a whimper than a bang. Her moods dropped as fast as her blood sugar but to her credit, she rebounded just as fast. She & Allison had dual 911 events, but Amanda's collapse brought unexpected (and uniformed) guests into the habitat and onto the air.

Won: $5,000
Ryan's girlfriend/Paired with Parker

She & Ryan could have gone far if she hadn't opened her mouth in the first days. She made loads of enemies in a short time and took Parker down with her. She'll be remembered for super-quickie sex in the bathroom and a rash on her backside.. hmm, coincidence?

Won: $5,000
Paired with Jen

He was good watching at first til he gave up and went on strike. He bounced back a bit at the end but his doom came early when partner Jen couldn't keep her trap shut about her & Ryan. She had to go, and he was just the innocent bystander casualty. 'I'm sick of people's dumbass assinine ass comments' might be Line of the Season.

Paired with Joshuah

He left suddenly and mysteriously but wrote on his MySpace that he didn't leave for health reasons and that he won't be back. He seems like a good guy and I wish him well.. he's probably lucky he got out when he did, unscathed.

Paired with Sharon (his ex)

Gone before the feeds kicked in: he didn't even make an appearance. All that potential for rehashing their breakup and/or a jealous rage up in smoke. To make it worse, he & Sharon didn't even get an exit interview in Julie's boudoir - how rude!

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Nominations Thursday, plus food comp

Sunday, March 30 at 8pm: nominations, assorted dramas

Wednesday's eviction show remained in fourth place with a 3.9 rating and 7 share, behind 'The Moment of Truth' on Fox with 6.5/11, 'Law & Order: Criminal Intent' on NBC with 4.6/8, and 'Wife Swap' on ABC with 4.4/7.
Rating = % of all TV households
Share = % of households watching TV

Sex: 7x (3 Jen/Ryan; 4 James/Chelsia)
Oral: 4x (all Natalie/Matt)
Sex tallies are minumums, based on overwhelming circumstantial evidence

Self-service: 3 (James, Adam, Matt)
Makeout session pairings: 4
  (Jen/Ryan, James/Chelsia,
  Alex/Sharon, Matt/Sharon)
Nekkid makeout pool orgy: 1
Nekkid party favor: 3
 (Natalie, James, Chelsia)
Nekkid party trick: 2 (James, Natalie)
Ambulance rides: 2 (Amanda, Allison)
Rodent bites: 1 (Ryan)
Returned evictees: 3
 (Sharon, Ryan, James)
Revive-a-Hamster vote hoaxes: 1
Major fights: too many to count
Chelsia abortion/baby mentions after Diary said one more and she's out: 2

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If so, apply to be on Big Brother 10 this summer. Read the eligibility requirements, particularly #9 about excellent mental health, apply before April 4, and/or attend a casting call. For better chances, get signed by one of the actormodel agencies they use (try this one - she cast Jen) and/or check Craigslist in late May/early June. In any case, do not tell them you're a feedster, avid fan, or anything more than a casual viewer of BB on CBS.

If you'd like to see REAL Big Brother this summer like all other countries do it, where we decide evictions and select a winner from a diverse cast, write to your local CBS station and demand it! They'll get the word to those that need to hear it.

Twists that work #9: diversity, diversity, diversity.

Natalie is Head of Household
Nobody is nominated

Finale is April 29 but 'subject to change'

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