Big Brother 9 that dingo's
I don't care who wins, I'm just here for the cheap entertainment.. the cheaper, the better    

March 23, 2008 - Day 45 (or 46)

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>> Adam is Head of Household - James used veto - Chelsia & Sharon are nominated <<

The Easter Bunny spreads cheer.. elsewhere

James finally got up after two or three repeats of the angry-sounding "James, it's time to get up for the day!" announcements from Big Brother.. he was grouchy, and got worse when he found out Chelsia had boiled all their eggs: 3 dozen of them

Chelsia came out of Diary saying they'd get an Easter treat later.. James went in and apparently grouched about the eggs, then whispered sweet nothings to Chelsia, like he does, before they nuzzled some more

James: Are we getting the fucking paint for the eggs? No! We're getting chocolates
Chelsia: Be creative!
James: Your face is puffy today
James: You can't even fly back to Iowa.. you're too fucking fat

Sheila's passive aggressive game style and/or personality was in full swing as she talked to Ryan about his grandpa, saying she's sure his family would like him there today and reiterating her own various family death tales.. Joshuah bitched about whatever's handy, and gave Ryan his "You're my friend - I'd never put you up" spiel that he gives most of them.. Sharon may or may not be nervousing (© BB5 Cowboy) about her offer to pawn herself: I can never tell with Sharon

When they were waiting for James to call them in for the veto meeting, Sheila let slip that she's seen the feeds - oops.. she quickly tried to cover - badly - saying she'd only seen a clip of Dick smoking behind Julie on a feeds ad, and "Once I went and applied for this, I thought I'd check it out".. she was questioned by the others but whether they add up that she supposedly applied via Craigslist in January remains to be seen.. she went on to talk about having seen Zach on "the Gretchen thing"

James veto'd himself back to a side chair and Sharon moved into the one he vacated.. I can't get over the fact that this is the same week Dustin pawned himself right out the door last time, and after the same veto comp, and Sharon often has the same mouth-chewing expression as Dustin did.. sorry about the premature/faulty Tweet (hey, it's a free service.. whaddya want?)


No, BB isn't quite that cheap: Chelsia said they're left over from her HOH basket

She & Ryan dug into them happily, before pizza

Once again, Natalie & Sheila are the targets/scapegoats du jour for Chelsia & Joshuah (and vice versa for Natalie & Sheila).. they also commented about Sheila's slip

Joshuah: [Sheila] totally got caught up in a lie.. I mean, season 5?
Chelsia: And like, Holly from season 5 Who the fuck is Holly from season 5?? I have no idea who that is
Chelsia: When I walk out that door I want my dignity
Sharon: I have to pack again: third time's the charm
Ryan: Easter isn't Easter without Peeps

The Easter Bunny finally arrived, bringing them an entire store's worth of candy
They got dye kits and other crafty stuff, plus replacement eggs.. some had a camel motif - Sharon decided those were special for her.. I'm guessing Ryan never met a chocolate bunny he didn't like
I've since been told Sharon was excited about camo, not camel

True colors

Somebody put a harm on Peter Painter's bunny ear, but that's nothing to what came later when Chelsia smashed him to smithereens

They had family dinner with loads of dishes and pretended to get along again, and Natalie went to work with the dye kits.. she mixed up more colors than possible and started dipping, inviting the others with what might have sounded backhanded from anyone else: "Here we are, people.. get to dying"

Booze came - James & Joshuah hid some of it.. they all toasted happy Easter.. a few joined in the egg dipping here & there, including Adam.. the eggs came out lovely
It was interesting to see who joined and who didn't: Sheila went off to scrub the shower and Joshuah cleared out evictees' toothbrushes & toiletries.. Sharon watched the dying, arms folded.. Chelsia joined in for the longest time, and things were civil - chatty even.. Joshuah joined too for a bit.. most all of them gathered round for awhile, chatting friendly-like, more or less
Natalie stayed at it, adding decals & decorations, and finally getting her trusty nail polish.. Ryan really got into his egg, and did a beautiful job on it.. it was striped
Take a good look at them while you can

True colors 2

As I said earlier, Peter Painter and his little friends bit the dust, courtesy of Chelsia

James pulled her away from the festivities at one point.. Chelsia later said they'd had sex, and I'm upping their sidebar tally yet again since they went to flames when she said that: if she'd been lying, feedmasters would have had no reason to do so

After that, and after a Diary session, she started in on Natalie about BJs again (which Natalie denied again), and then Chelsia went ballistic again

She ranted about abortions and Christianity and Matt again, and then she smashed the eggs
Natalie was in the sauna, doing her nails, hearing all of it, and whispering to herself.. James & Sharon were hiding.. Joshuah was snickering.. the others just kind of milled about, stunned

Oh yes, there's more

The night just kept topping itself after that, with Chelsia eventually rejoining her peers, continuing her rant about Natalie and babies (after Diary told her to change the record) and repeating "That's not me" about her little episode - all while foraging for food.. Sheila suggested eggs

Ever the supportive boyfriend, James reminded Chelsia that it's a fine and/or sayonara without pay for damaging house property - which Peter Painter technically was, along with all the smashed eggs and wasted dye kits.. Joshuah bonded with both Natalie & Sheila over all of it and he rejoiced that thanks to Chelsia, he didn't have to attack anyone tonight.. later he had a rip-roaring comedy session with Sheila, and then pestered James & Chelsia again as they were about to go at it again.. he finally left them alone, and their pre-flames warmup plus sound effects added yet another notch to their sex tally

Line of the Day award: "I do not talk shit behind people's backs" - Chelsia Hart, March 23, 2008
..just wait til she finds out Natalie had been working to get rid of Joshuah all this time

Daily videos

Natalie bashing plus Joshuah's sequester fears; a portion of Joshuah's solo rant; the BEEBIES try baby food; and Chelsia wigs out again are posted in the forum, linked top & bottom of every page

Daily ratings - Special "Drawn Together" edition

Ratings are based on entertainment value.. character assignments are all in fun (well, mostly).. do check out "Drawn Together" if you don't know it, especially the first season: it's loosely based on "Big Brother" and similar shows - although come to think of it, BB9 might have been based on it! Character descriptions for newcomers are from Wikipedia (or "Win-a-peekie" as Sheila called it today)

The Sunday show's 'Matt wallowed in self pity <honnnkkk>' was a cheap & easy shot, but 'Ryan locked up the votes' was ludicrous: they neatly side-stepped the whole plan that caused the tie vote. Oh well, it was too confusing to fit into a 2 minute segment. Sharon had a problem with the 'soulmate' word about Jacob, but he's usually her only topic of conversation. Anyway we all had a problem with that word for all of them: blame CBS. The Vegas comp went on forever but at least they finally changed the moon to full - 1½ months later. They showed Adam's baby food but not the photo they apparently blocked the feeds for.. who is that guy? They went directly from Natalie's crazy 8s to Natalie explains it all, but that's how she is. Sheila was the star potential nominee once again and why was that? James & Chelsia were barely in the show til Adam announced them. Overall it was an average show but easily deserving of ups for the BEEBIES segment, particularly the stroke of genius for giving them their own Diary session. The HOH comp questionnaire is also an excellent idea, providing they use all or most of the questions.. if so, it should stir things up good.

Won: Motorcycle
Paired with Sheila

Spanky Ham might have been modelled after him, or vice versa: 'A sex-obsessed, obnoxious parody.. Most of his humor revolves around his crudeness.' Adam dipped a few eggs tonight which was surprising for some reason, and kinda cute? Nah, that word doesn't apply to Adam in any situation. He laid low thru the fireworks again, and then startled Joshuah when he was on one of his many secret squirrel missions. Adam said 'Did I scare you?' knowing full well he had.. way to go, Adam!

Won: $21,000 Vegas trip
Paired with James

Toot Braunstein is another close fit, if a bit mean (hey, you should see the pic I didn't use!) 'An overweight sex symbol.. demands to be the center of attention, cuts herself with razor blades when depressed, and often instigates conflict in the house.' Ring any bells? For the record, I don't think Chelsia's fat. She has put on a bit in there though and will put on a bit more at the rate she's going. Her drunken rants are one thing, but destroying everyone's eggwork was real bad.. not to mention killing Peter Painter. I had been missing BB Crafts Night and really enjoyed it tonight til she wrecked everything, hence the negative for what really was an upsworthy performance. She's just too young and apparently too messed up to be in there, dammit. She will likely have eggs thrown at her for years after she gets out of there. See the sidebar tally for Diary's threat to boot her and their subsequent lenience, and her rapidly increasing sex count.

Paired with Chelsia

Wooldoor Sockbat: 'A bizarre children's show character.. Most of his humor revolves around his childlike innocence, his happy-go-lucky nature, or his general strangeness; he is often used to assume a variety of professions to fit the needs of the scene. Among reality show archetypes, he represents the attention-starved weirdo.' Need I say more? Once again, he helped fire up Chelsia for blastoff and then hid out when she hit orbit. Their sidebar whoopie tally went up not once today but twice, tying and surpassing Jen & Ryan.

Paired with Neil  Sharon

Xandir P. Wifflebottom is another no-brainer: 'Most of his humor revolves around his homosexuality or his sensitivity; he is often used to poke fun at gay stereotypes. Among reality show archetypes, he represents the token gay participant.' He lived up to his hype today with a lengthy gameplan sermon to the air, a few minutes of uncontrollable sobbing, laughing while his teamie went insane, buddying up to his two mortal enemies Sheila & Natalie, and c-blocking James & Chelsia again during their 3rd foreplay session of the day. As I type this, he's reminding Chelsia of her lunatic evening and probably hoping she'll go pee so he can sit next to James and his giant thing again.

Paired with Matt

Natalie as Foxxy Love is one of the best fits of all here: 'a promiscuous mystery-solving musician.. Most of her humor revolves around her promiscuity or her unsophisticated manner of speech' plus she's often the voice of reason in a house of insanity, which is all the more startling because of its source. Once again, she sat quietly while Chelsia viciously raged at her, and she did not rise to the bait. Well, it was stale bait but still, big ups for letting it roll on by again.

Won: $10,000
Jen's boyfriend Paired with Allison

Ok, Captain Hero isn't quite Ryan: 'A chauvinistic, perverted and lecherous parody of Superman.. Most of his humor revolves around his perverse sexual tastes, his tendency toward violence, or his stupidity; there is also a running joke in which he is heavily suggested to be gay.' Most of these don't really apply but 'Drawn Together' only has one eating machine character and Chelsia got dibs on her. Ryan painted a beautiful egg today - they were comparing it to a Fabergé even - and Chelsia came along and smashed it.. it broke my heart.

Paired with Jacob (her ex)  Joshuah

Ling-Ling is all that's left but some applies: '..battles using various supernatural powers/abilities and speaks in pseudo-Japanese gibberish (or Japorean) with English subtitles. Most of his humor revolves around his sociopathic desires or his difficulty assimilating into American culture.' On second thought, it's perfect! Now that Sharon's pawned herself, Chelsia did her best to make sure we wouldn't have a Dustin repeat. It's mind boggling to watch these two compete over which will succeed at game suicide - and we still have three long days to go. Today Sharon did her patented urge to battle and hide out move, and defied death & rabies by letting the BEEBIES gnaw on her finger after dumping baby food on them. But she topped all that by performing my all-time favorite idiotic hamster behavior: making a request of Big Brother by speaking directly into her microphone, like they can't hear her otherwise.. doh.

Paired with Adam

Princess Clara for her: 'A pampered, hyper-religious, and often racist princess.. Most of her humor revolves around her racism, her gullibility, or her extreme religious views. Among reality show archetypes, she represents the sheltered rich girl.' Other than the racist stuff, it's pretty much spot on, especially Clara's ongoing and exhausting dramatics. Game-wise, I'm more impressed by Sheila's fancy footwork every day now that I've finally caught on to her act.. brilliant!

Paired with Natalie

America's Playa came on strong, prepared to showmance his way through all the girls and into the money. That didn't work out but he was fun to have around and he usually kept things light amid the chaos. He brought BJs to the feeds and made Bibles fun in there. Despite the fact that he's a pig, he has some good qualities too and he kinda grows on you.

Paired with Ryan

She called it manipulation - I call it emotional blackmail with a lot of 'poor me' thrown in. One of the most delusional hamsters ever (and that's saying something), she's the poster girl for Can Dish It Out But Can't Take It. She did give us some confrontation doozies and fireworks deluxe but trust her, like one million percent, she does not care.

Revive-a-Hamster winner & loser
Paired with Amanda

He started out looking like he was on board with Matt's showmance plan and CBS picked up that angle, but then we got to know a bright, charismatic, and goofy guy who had everything going for him in there except his partner. His diplomacy was remarkable and he might have gone the distance, but he went out as another casualty of 'Til Death Do You Part'.

Paired with Alex

She began with hysterics & drama and was at the center of the biggest BB fight ever, but she went out with more of a whimper than a bang. Her moods dropped as fast as her blood sugar but to her credit, she rebounded just as fast. She & Allison had dual 911 events, but Amanda's collapse brought unexpected (and uniformed) guests into the habitat and onto the air.

Won: $5,000
Ryan's girlfriend/Paired with Parker

She & Ryan could have gone far if she hadn't opened her mouth in the first days. She made loads of enemies in a short time and took Parker down with her. She'll be remembered for super-quickie sex in the bathroom and a rash on her backside.. hmm, coincidence?

Won: $5,000
Paired with Jen

He was good watching at first til he gave up and went on strike. He bounced back a bit at the end but his doom came early when partner Jen couldn't keep her trap shut about her & Ryan. She had to go, and he was just the innocent bystander casualty. 'I'm sick of people's dumbass assinine ass comments' might be Line of the Season.

Paired with Joshuah

He left suddenly and mysteriously but wrote on his MySpace that he didn't leave for health reasons and that he won't be back. He seems like a good guy and I wish him well.. he's probably lucky he got out when he did, unscathed.

Paired with Sharon (his ex)

Gone before the feeds kicked in: he didn't even make an appearance. All that potential for rehashing their breakup and/or a jealous rage up in smoke. To make it worse, he & Sharon didn't even get an exit interview in Julie's boudoir - how rude!

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The 'Big Brother' episode of 'Yes Dear' will be on TBS Wednesday, March 26. If you've never seen it, it's pretty cute with lots of familiar faces and inside jokes for BB fans. Airs at 3pm in most areas - check your local listings. Trivia: the habitat scenes in this episode were shot in the old house that was used for BB2 thru BB5. The new/current house is inside the soundstage where 'Yes Dear' was filmed.

Answer presidential type questions about them for the next HOH comp. Vote at

Not much is scheduled til Wednesday but there's always a chance of fights. Thanks to Chelsia, don't count on anymore booze deliveries til she's gone.

Tuesday, March 25 at 9pm: Dick's pots & pans, veto comp, veto meeting, assorted dramas

A partially delayed '60 Minutes' combined with Sunday's show for a 6.5 rating and 11 share and first place for the 8pm hour (the first time this season), although 'Extreme Makeover: Home Edition' on ABC at 6.4/11 had slightly more viewers. For the 9pm portion 'Big Brother' combined with 'Cold Case' and dropped back to third, behind 'Oprah's Big Give' on ABC and 'Law & Order' on NBC.
Rating = % of all TV households
Share = % of households watching TV

Sex: 7x (3 Jen/Ryan; 4 James/Chelsia)
Oral: 4x (all Natalie/Matt)
Sex tallies are minumums, based on overwhelming circumstantial evidence

Chelsia abortion/baby mentions after Diary said one more and she's out: 2

Self-service: 3 (James, Adam, Matt)
Makeout session pairings: 4
  (Jen/Ryan, James/Chelsia,
  Alex/Sharon, Matt/Sharon)
Nekkid makeout pool orgy: 1
Nekkid party favor: 3
 (Natalie, James, Chelsia)
Nekkid party trick: 2 (James, Natalie)
Ambulance rides: 2 (Amanda, Allison)
Rodent bites: 1 (Ryan)
Returned evictees: 3
 (Sharon, Ryan, James)
Revive-a-Hamster vote hoaxes: 1
Major fights: too many to count

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If so, apply to be on Big Brother 10 this summer. Read the eligibility requirements, particularly #9 about excellent mental health, apply before April 4, and/or attend a casting call. For better chances, get signed by one of the actormodel agencies they use (try this one - she cast Jen) and/or check Craigslist in late May/early June. In any case, do not tell them you're a feedster, avid fan, or anything more than a casual viewer of BB on CBS.

If you'd like to see REAL Big Brother this summer like all other countries do it, where we decide evictions and select a winner from a diverse cast, write to your local CBS station and demand it! They'll get the word to those that need to hear it.

Twists that work #7: on BB UK and some other versions they're sometimes paired into master/slave relationships.

Adam is Head of Household
Chelsia & Sharon are nominated

Finale is April 29 but 'subject to change'

First place earns $500k, second gets $50k. The others earn $750 a week, including jury sequester weeks for those that go there

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