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See 'n say cheese (Wednesday)

Shellyspeak (Tuesday)

BBQ Smackdown Round 1: The Sizzler

We need a diagram

Ratings - Kalia Ratings special edition

I still don't know why they gave me my boyfriend's belt? I mean I asked for a mic belt but I guess they misunderstood me, anyway I thought it was my boyfriend's belt and that was confusing but I guess it wasn't. I wish it had been his but I can't remember what he looks like. I'm their favorite when I go into Diary because I can speak in complete sentences. I won Best Interview in a pageant once, did you know that? It's true, you can check the tapes, and that's why they like me best in there. They always say I should just go ahead and start talking about whatever they want to hear about so I do and they love it. Sometimes they don't answer right away when I stop to take a breath but I know they're still there listening to me because they love me. I do too.
Paired with Dominic - GOLDEN KEY Won: One week elf suit I'll have you know that I wanted to nominate and evict him from the start, even before I brilliantly won the HOH comp, which was one of my finest moments on Big Brother 13 if I say so myself. It reminds me of the time I was in a pageant and I was so nervous because I had my period and my dress didn't fit right but once I went out on that stage I was fantastic! Let me sing a few bars for you now.. [cut to fishies]	Paired with Rachel Won: nothing His return was unwelcome, especially now that he's had a year to suck the life and Vegas out of Rachel. This time he wore superhero suits, used not-funny voices, lost a toy turtle, lectured everyone, and had big goofy smiles for Big Booty & Porsche's striptease. He had a pathetic sense of entitlement and made a giant stink about Rachel calling him Buki.
Paired with Shelly Won: nothing She started off okay and had Dominic in her pocket, but Shelly befriended her so well that when they were both nominated, Cassi just laid down and died. She complained a lot, failed to fulfill her catfight potential, and was the third model in a row to be booted out second. She had the best Mirror-Face since BB5/7 Jase.	Paired with Dick - GOLDEN KEY/TICKET THIS GAME IS SO HARD but it's really important to form personal relationships that will last forever and I have one of those, her name is Danielle and she knows EVERYTHING about this game, almost as much as me, and I never thought I'd meet someone on this show who would be SUCH a good friend to me. She listens to everything I have to say and I say a lot and she tells me when I'm right and she knows I always am. This was NOT her HOH week, it was MINE and you need to remember that. I can prove it because Big Brother put a sign in my HOH room that says KALIA'S ROOM and also because my other best friend in here is about to be evicted thanks to me and nobody else, I'm not afraid to make a BIG MOVE and I did! Wait, what just happened?
Paired with Daniele Won: nothing We haven't had a premiere night no-show since BB9 Jacob, and we haven't had a mysterious early exit since BB9 Neil. These pairs twist seasons just seem to complicate things for production. No real word yet on why Dick's gone (and there may never be) but he sure was looking rough in the premiere.	Paired with Adam Won: nothing He was the first casualty of Daniele's too hard/too fast strategy but he didn't help himself by not brushing up more on how BB works. He told a lot of pointless lies about his modeling, schooling, virginity and then fessed up to them, which might have come back to bite him anyway. His adolescent jokes and behavior did nothing for me.
Paired with Jordan Won $10k I really wanted to nominate Adam so I put up Jeff because that's how you have to play this game! That's what Dani says anyway. It's so much harder than it looks on television, believe you me! I have a FANTASTIC LIFE and I should have stayed in it maybe because while it's really fun being a TV star somehow everything I want to do gets turned around. Why did I nominate him? Now he's all mad at me and he's coming after me and he's scary! It's not surprising since I'm such a big threat in this game, they're all after me and I have to win HOH again to be safe, which I can because I'm a COMPETITOR and NOT A FLOATER.	Paired with Jeff I guess she's kind of cute in a blonde way but she never stops talking and that makes me crazy! I try to get a word or 200 in and I just can't with her so I just listen and then later I talk twice as much to prove I can. She reminds me of this girl I knew once when I was dating a guy who was a DJ in New York because I lived there once. I'm cosmopolitan and a sex blogger just like Sex and the City but I don't have the right shoes so I didn't get the job just like I didn't get the job as Rudy Cosby, but my time will come because I'm going to be a STAR! I love to sing and I'm pretty good at it, let me give you a few bars of.. [cut to fishies]
Paired with Lawon HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD That's ME-E-E-E-E-E-E-E!! See what a good singer I am? I have the best life outside of here, I'm a bartender part-time and a blogger - I mean WRITER! but I can't pay my rent so I hope I get to stay to the end and earn jury money or else I'll be homeless after this. I grew up comfortable in suburbia and maybe one day I'll have a steady job so I can pay my rent but it's much better just being ME-E-E-E-E-E in my fabulous life! It'll be even better when I win Big Brother 13 because then I'll be able to pay for doctors and birth control and not have to have my sister get it for me for free or go to Planned Parenthood with all those teenage losers. Did you know I starred in 'Hello Dolly' once? 'Well hello-o-o-o, Dolly, it's so nice to..' [cut to fishies]	Paired with Porsche Won: nothing He claimed to be a fan since BB1 but even watching only CBS, he clearly wasn't paying attention: who throws a veto comp when they're on the block? He went in with a clearly outlined womanizing strategy which failed miserably, he set off another BB Weinergate, and he panicked himself right out the door.
Paired with Kalia NOMINATED I love my homey so much! We'll be friends forever even though he isn't my type because I like gangsta thug types and he's just - well, he's just Lawon! I have so many friends now in my fabulous life but there's always room for one more! Make that two with Danielle, no three with Porsh, I think she's a friend? I'm not sure but I KNOW Lawon and I will be friends forever and ever, especially texting, OH MY GOD I love to text with my friends! Wait, I put him up and he's going to be evicted - oh, he won't hold that against me, he's my FRIEND! Hand me those chips.	Paired with Keith - GOLDEN KEY She's so funny sometimes, at least I think she is but it's hard to tell sometimes since she never stops talking once she starts! Whenever I feel like having a little snack I look at her and she gained more weight than me so I'm going to have a little snack now. She's been a real good friend this week so I'm still not sure why I almost put her up in Jeff's place, it's like a dream or something. Danielle set me straight there, by letting me talk about it so much until I talked some sense into myself and put up our mutual best friend instead. Wait a minute, what just happened here?? THIS HOUSE! THIS GAME! IT'S SO STRESSFUL!!
Paired with Brendon NOMINATED She's another one I really want out of here since she's coming after me since I'm her biggest threat in this game since I'm such a strong competitor and NOT A FLOATER! I won something. No, I really did, it was on television I think. They said it would be anyway. I can't WAIT to get out of here and see myself on TV and text to my friends and HAVE SEX! and get the kind of snacks I like. The ones they give me here are okay but I want my own. Wait, where was I? Oh yes, Rachel has to be evicted! She scares me. So I nominated her in a BIG MOVE and she's going out and I did it TA-DA-A-A-A-A! I mean - wait, what just happened here?	Paired with Cassi - GOLDEN KEY I don't get her or why she's here and I really don't trust her but I'm glad somebody cleans up this place, there's crumbs EVERYWHERE.

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