Dingo's Hamster Watch - Big Brother 5

"Position the habitat of your hamster somewhere light and airy,
away from drafts, heaters, direct sunlight and other pets.
Never put it on or near a television, radio or hi-fi or a fridge."

This site isn't about who should win, who will win, who I'd be friends with, or who is cute. It's about watching hamsters: which ones are doing what and why. Which are fun and which are dull. If they aren't entertaining, get rid of 'em! More to come, bookmark & come back! .. that dingo

Linkage

Daily feed recaps & opinion ratings navigation tool for this often-biased site
HamsterWatch Big Brother 8 here we go again
HamsterWatch Big Brother 7 Hamster all-stars in the house
HamsterWatch Big Brother 6 time to do it all over again
CBS Big Brother 5 the official site
Housecalls live web show with Marcellas, also archived shows
TV Updates feed updates, screencaps, and fun boards - easy to use and functional!
bb5fan's 30 second refresh screencaps if you don't have feeds (great at work!)
Hollyisms and Cowboyisms and Lisa-isms from me, that dingo person
Sir LinksALot Big Brother 5 all the links
Reality TV Links emphasis on individual hamsters' sites
Aldav has all of the edgier stuff & the best mini-recaps in town (alternate url)
Bonus maybe-click special: Be Savage says it's Scott's official site, but is registered to someone named Eddie in Texas.. could be a webmaster? maybe legit - maybe a sham

9/8/04 - Day 69 >> to the future >> dwell in the past >> latest

We feel the same way, Nakomis

How much duller can they get? No fun, no fights, no nothing! They're tucked in by midnight on a daily basis now, and spend half the day napping.

It's downright freaky how they all pretend nothing's going on among them - that they're not all conspiring at every opportunity and trash-talking whoever isn't in the same room. Prior hamsters have had the courtesy to give unanimous evictees a clue - at least they'd be sure to pack everything.

Today's anticipated drama fizzled.. Karen's attempts to stay after tomorrow were subtle as a brick, and brilliant, but you had to look for them.. and this crew is not the most perceptive bunch. Remember, this is the group that shrugged off a siren-wailing electrocution device to play euchre, and never even questioned why the dumb thing was there in the first place. But there's always some fun to poke, however boring the day.

Overnight burglar report:
Somebody sneezed tonight - twice - all hamsters were present on quads, asleep, and not sneezing

The fun begins at lunch again, with casual movie chat, symbolism so thick it's oozing.. most whooshes over their heads, but Diane catches a clue and starts to get rattled

Karen: Have you ever seen 'Rob Roy'? It's better than 'Braveheart'
Diane: No way!
Karen: It is, cuz you see what's happening and you know everything that came before it.. the guy gets screwed at the end but you saw everything that came before and it's so wrong.. and there's two people in the end who are really in love.. and one good person who didn't screw anyone over..
Diane: I have to see that!
Karen: It made Larry cry, tears streaming down his face..
Drew: So what's carbonation? Is that when oxygen gets into pop?
(Cowboy's picture flies off the wall)
Cowboy: It don't bother me

Drew communes with his color-coded Bible, and then with the fishies.. Diane looks for her new-found religion, with Cowboy as her guide

Drew: What's wrong man? I know what it's like to be caged in
....
Cowboy: I know it's wrong, but I try to set my parents straight
Diane: I always set my parents straight.. my parents, what a joke
Cowboy: Did you get disciplined a lot growing up?
Diane: No.. the only discipline I got was from the county cops

Tension is thick around the habitat again.. Drew tries out Nik's Nine Inch Nails - which doesn't help.. Big Brother starts freaking out - which does

Drew (about NIN): This is too hardcore for me.. it's like AAAHHHH!!!
Cowboy: Diane and me are laying down
Drew: I'm gonna go lift.. I wanna be proactive around here
....
Cowboy: I wanna go to the diary room
Big Brother: Nakomis, you haven't been to the diary room yet today
Big Brother: Jase, please go to the diary room
Big Brother: Holly, please go to the diary room
Big Brother: Michael, the diary room is now available

Quick meetings happen all day between naps and mirror-checks.. Karen starts to pack

Drew: I don't want Diane to get scared of us.. do you think I'm paranoid?
Cowboy: I don't know.. it's a possibility
Drew: Whoooh (he's making that whistley-sigh noise constantly lately)
Cowboy: She played us this week.. she'll put us up against Nakomis..

Some things Drew waits to do til everyone else is asleep.. like buzz-trimming his pits

He drops his shorts - twice (one more to come today!).. shaves his famous pubes..
and gets annoyed when Big Brother nags him at the same time Diane rants at him

Big Brother: Drew, please put on your microphone!!
Drew: Check check, ok Big Brother, check check
Big Brother: Drew, please stop playing with your microphone
Drew: I'm trying to get some yogurt off it!
Big Brother: Drew, please center your microphone
Big Brother: Drew, please check your microphone
Drew: Hello hello hello.. Big Brother, I am talking.. can you hear me?
Diane: So now I feel like shit.. actually I don't fucking care anymore!
Big Brother: Drew, please put on your microphone
Drew: I'm putting lotion on!
(he hangs it from his teeth)
Diane: You guys don't have any more hurdles to jump over - I have one more fucking huge hurdle!
(Drew ignores her for most of this, then grabs her)
Diane: If that's their tactic to make fucking fun of me, to make me feel as bad as I possibly can..

Drew & Diane continue in the clouds in their usual fight-cuddle-fight-kiss style..
making relationship counselors everywhere dream of yachts and vacation homes

Drew: You're such a bitch.. you have such a chip on your shoulder - I'm calling you out - 'everybody's against me, everybody hates me'
Diane: It's just like at home.. Lindsey (etc etc etc).. everybody does hate me!
(kiss kiss)
Diane: Have you ever watched Nakomis? All she does is burn holes through my head
Drew: Karen & Nakomis don't sleep together anymore, they sleep in here.. they're like wolves
Diane: My biggest fear is not dealing with Nakomis next week.. my biggest fear is going to sequester next week and dealing with Karen
(kiss kiss)
Diane (whiny): I have chapstick somewhere.. I wonder where it is

Poor Diane

Euchre doesn't work for lockdowns like it used to, especially with Diane's nasty mood hanging over them all.. even the stockpiled beer supply doesn't help.. the girls are all snipping at each other - too subtly for the guys to notice - but it's enough to send Diane off to tan by herself.. she sounds remarkably like Holly when she finds a spider along the way.. eventually Drew tags along

Nik (singsong voice): Diane's lost all her marbles (laughs)
Diane: Eewww, there's a spider on it, help! Drew, get it for me! Eeeewwwww!!
Karen: That's a cute shirt.. didn't Holly wear that once?
Big Brother (for no apparent reason): Michael, stop that!
....
Diane: I started thinking today and I got a real bad headache
(Drew laughs)
Drew: It's nice out here with a beer
Diane: It is.. I don't know why I have one.. I was getting in a bad mood so I got one
(Drew imagines they're on a cruise ship.. Diane can almost smell the sea air)

Cowboy joins them (of course), and Nakomis seems to catch on that it's high time she start some shmoozing.. she asks to join them, then gets louder and more obnoxious the higher she hikes her shirt.. Karen joins and they talk about old tv shows and childhood toys.. Diane pulls out every attention ploy in her huge arsenal but nothing works.. she eventually gives up (!!) and sulks while the rest (mostly Nik) carry on

Diane: I was wearing my red bra but I took it off
(see yesterday's postscript for more of her red bra)
Drew: The Victoria's Secret one?
Cowboy: I read those catalogs
Diane: I don't like Fredrick's of Hollywood, I like Hustler stores better - they have all the sex toys and shit too
Drew: Hustler?
Diane: Larry Flynt's brother's son is a good friend of mine.. he's kind of a dirt bag
....
(they talk about all of them first lining up to meet each other)
Diane: I lied at first and said I was single just to fuck everybody up
....
Diane: I bet Cowboy isn't very kinky
Cowboy: We've done kinky stuff.. we've fucked in the truck, in the shower, stuff like that.. we'd do it outside if we could.. when it's raining or something
Diane: I think you better go home and do it
....
Diane: See, my stalker is the manager.. the VIP manager of (somewhere)..
Diane (to Drew): Oops, did you see my boobs? I'm saving that.. you've only got 3 weeks left til you can see my boobs

Then Drew tackles Diane or vice-versa, and they wrestle on the floor for awhile.. Karen & Nik call out from the kitchen "Uh-oh, PDA! PDA!" and all's well with the world again.. Nik gives posture lessons

Nik gives Drew a half-assed pantsing.. another intern's fired when they find a cigarette butt outside.. everyone's pretty drinky by now.. someone decides to have a bench pressing contest.. (sorry about the blurries - quads shots)

Nakomis does a lot, Cowboy does a lot, Drew does a whole bunch - each of them til they can't do another one - Karen does a fair amount, easily.. Diane's sulking around the barbecue but eventually does a few, giggling.. (if tomorrow's HOH comp involves upper body endurance, only Karen & Diane didn't push themselves too far for it.. and only Karen was thinking about that)

What to do? They all go in the hot tub - Nik in a string bikini, showing more skin than we've seen before, and more than many wanted to see - they all mope around some more, all pretending they haven't been trashing everyone else behind their backs

Drew goes in for some damage control, and Diane perks right up with a few rounds of kiss 'n cuddle, wrestling, and chat about wedding plans and backdoor plans

Diane: I feel like I have 3 stray dogs
Drew: Being?
Diane: One being you
Drew: I'm a stray dog?
Diane: I just can't get away by myself
(kiss kiss)
Drew: This was a fun day, it went quick too
Diane: Ok, me - you - Karen, right? I'm gonna throw in a 'forgive me' too
....
Diane: I can't stand Cowboy either
Drew: We're almost outta here
Diane: As long as you be nice.. be careful..
Drew: Oh.. that
Diane: Seriously. I'm fragile
....
Diane: We're gonna let Cowboy have HOH, is that it?
Drew: I'm thinking like here's the deal, the chances of Nakomis winning veto..
(they go through the roster)
Drew: By the way I want to make a point.. how many freaking sets of repetitions did Karen do tonight?
(they go through the roster)
Drew: She's got calves the size of.. way more than my calves, and she does 50 repetitions?
Diane: I hope nobody's gonna have bad feelings afterward, I hope they all know it's game, and can all see I.. we had to do what we had to do

Nekkid Bible study class

Drew gets into bed once again, and tosses his shorts out from under the covers..
Diane crawls in with him.. Drew spoons her from behind while Cowboy reads some Bible to them.. Drew says "I'm naked".. Diane says "You are not!" He says yes, he is.. she gets out shortly after

She tries to peek - but not very hard - Cowboy says he got a flash when Diane got out of bed, and adds "So did that camera"

Karen packs

Bonus neutral for VH1 Goes Inside Big Brother (airing all month) - a decent look at seasons 1 through 4 , but barely a mention (if any) of what makes this show unique and addicting: the feeds!! Some behind-the-scenes scoop that we expect from the 'Goes Inside' series were glaringly absent: the logistics of the house (i.e. control room), how they keep an eye on everyone and keep up with the stories, Diary Room, 'where are they now' etc.. we've seen the highlights they did show umpteen times already (including the 'Reality Moments Countdown' that aired the hour before!) Hmm on second thought, it's probably worth a negative.. but I've been too cynical lately.

Dogging and annoying everyone all day again and in on everyone's gossip (except the awful things they all say about him) you'd think he'd catch on that he's about to become a patsy. He's said the fewest nasty things about others of them all, and the guy is loyal to the 4H til the end, so he can walk away with a clean conscience - at least til the lovely April gets hold of him. But he's going to be sadly disappointed when he finds out they don't really like him at all - he's just convenient for D&D's lies and rotten plans. I don't think he's going home tomorrow, and in a way that's good: he's our last bit of comic relief in there. It was truly sad today to see him hearing what a wonderful childhood Nakomis had.

Diane watching became fun again today as she squirmed from Karen's carefully-aimed subliminal messages, and pouted when Drew ignored her (after yesterday's girlfriend-from-hell act, even I couldn't blame him for that.) She put her foot in her big mouth in a huge way today when Cowboy talked about April and kinky sex (again) - by telling him to just go home and do it. Nearly all of Diane's attention ploys today went <thud> including claiming she has a stalker, and it was hilarious to watch her talk weddings with Drew when all he wanted to do was get some freak on. She's back to cussing and whining; Drew's kissing her some in the daylight but there's even less passion at bedtime than before (if that's possible), and her conscience is nibbling at her a bit.. about time.

He almost earned ups today by telling Diane she has a chip on her shoulder, but later he let it pass when she told him he was just another one of her 'stray dogs' in there - cuz he was getting some action at the time. He also let the wedding chat float on by - but that's ok, they'd have a fine dysfunctional marriage - and they deserve each other. He's two-timing both Diane and Cowboy by giving them both the 'me and you to the end' lies, and one of them doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. HamsterWatch points for trimming his armpits and nekkid Bible study, and for being the only one to catch on that Karen was up to something at their drunken weightlifting game.. although he didn't figure out what. But it's not enough to earn ups - he's still an ass.

Karen was back under the radar today - way under - she mostly kept to herself, and that was disappointing. But she gets cumulative ups cuz she's probably out of there tomorrow and she's played a brilliant game, fooling most hamsters and many feeders along with them. Unfortunately she left the kids home alone too long, and they destroyed the house. She seems to have resigned herself to leaving, even cutting loose her pet weirdo - who promptly destroyed any hopes of her own survival next week. Karen got off some good shots today on Diane though - direct hits - and Diane still doesn't realize why she got so rattled. It's to Karen's credit that she didn't let fly any real nastiness (other than privately to Nik as usual), or spill any of the dirt she's got on Drew & Diane, and her critics went to bed disappointed she didn't fall apart or go ballistic as they hoped. The one good thing about Karen leaving will be watching the rest of them muddle through without anyone to listen to them, or compliment them, or cook & clean up after them.

Set free from Karen's mentoring and guidance, Nik made a total eejit of herself today - just when it matters. She looked like she was making a play for Drew's attention - and she certainly had it - when she showed up in a string bikini, but she's never been louder or more obnoxious in all the time we've known her, sending him running back to Diane by default. Then she blew it with Cowboy by gloating about her wonderful childhood and all the toys she had.. Cowboy looked downright pitiful hearing what a wonderful dad he had in some other house, and she didn't even notice. Nik did bond with Diane a bit - over toys they'd both liked - but although Diane's a little girl in most ways, she likes to pretend she's a grownup and she won't stick around playing dolls with Nik for long. And that's everyone: they've already plotted for her exit next week, and she sealed it today.. she should have listened to Karen a bit more and learned something about getting along with people while she could. Nik's behavior today was worthy of double ups, but it's so obnoxious to watch, she's stuck at neutral.

I'm starting to recognize to-be-aired stuff now as it happens. Take for example Tuesday's fishies porn segment: I knew something was up there, even being deprived of the convo going on outside the tank, because of the way the shots came through the feeds. (Somebody hire me already - I'm batting almost 1000 here! Ok, so Scott didn't show up.. but they haven't explained Dr. Gene Scott yet either.) I predict Monday's lunch prep will air Thursday, along with this moon shot that appeared for no reason on last night's sleeping feeds. The buildups to much of what aired Tuesday were the better parts of the various incidents, and why do they so often air 'important' Diane segments when she's smashed - without any reference to that? She can hold her alcohol better than some (when she wants to), but it's a factor in getting to half the places they show her at. I'll wager that seeing Drew & Cowboy trying to pray their way around their behavior in the name of $500k was distasteful to many religious and non-religious folks alike. Applause for boiling down these last horrible few days into something fairly cohesive, but boos for making everyone look decent, intelligent and mature - what house are they watching?