Dingo's Hamster Watch - Big Brother 5

"Position the habitat of your hamster somewhere light and airy,
away from drafts, heaters, direct sunlight and other pets.
Never put it on or near a television, radio or hi-fi or a fridge."

This site isn't about who should win, who will win, who I'd be friends with, or who is cute. It's about watching hamsters: which ones are doing what and why. Which are fun and which are dull. If they aren't entertaining, get rid of 'em! More to come, bookmark & come back! .. that dingo

Linkage

Daily feed recaps & opinion ratings navigation tool for this often-biased site
HamsterWatch Big Brother 8 here we go again
HamsterWatch Big Brother 7 Hamster all-stars in the house
HamsterWatch Big Brother 6 time to do it all over again
CBS Big Brother 5 the official site
Housecalls live web show with Marcellas, also archived shows
TV Updates feed updates, screencaps, and fun boards - easy to use and functional!
bb5fan's 30 second refresh screencaps if you don't have feeds (great at work!)
Hollyisms and Cowboyisms and Lisa-isms from me, that dingo person
Sir LinksALot Big Brother 5 all the links
Reality TV Links emphasis on individual hamsters' sites
Aldav has all of the edgier stuff & the best mini-recaps in town (alternate url)

9/16/04 - Day 77 >> to the future >> dwell in the past >> latest

Another ugly macaroni incident

We've seen Diane do some nasty things this summer, but this was low even for her. Cowboy sent a JE T'AIME message to April & Chasen using yesterday's YOU'RE HOT noodles.. (I'm not sure who, but one of them spelled in French yesterday - Cowboy didn't take apart YOU'RE HOT to spell today's note)

Diane was keeping Drew company while he began his all-day packing job, and scuffed out the message with her foot as she chatted with him.. Cowboy came in a bit later and said "Oh, y'all messed it up".. Diane replied "I'm sorry, but we had to" Had to? HAD to?? That was no game-lie, that was just flat-out mean.. and she said it so easily

Our theme for today is unchanged, but it rotates more frequently, and it's louder:
Cowboy talks evictees/April/Chasen, with extra helpings of "I'm poor" thrown in, he rants about Diane to Drew and works the loyalty angle, and he worries or sleeps when alone.. Diane rants about anything handy, she rants about Cowboy to Drew and works the couple angle, and she parannoys or studies the mirror when alone.. Drew says "you & me to the end" to Diane and rants about Cowboy; he says "you & me to the end" to Cowboy and rants about Diane, and he whisper-sighs "whooo" when alone

Diane: You never promised to take him to the final two did you?
Drew: No
Diane: I hate him so much!
Drew: If I wanted to, I could be married now, I could have kids.. but it's an expense.. don't say 'poor me, poor me' - he can go to school! He can get a better job
....
Cowboy: Nothing they (diary) say can change my mind.. I'm not gonna put my brother out to dry, it's not worth it.. as God is my witness! I'm not gonna have Chasen come to me one day and say 'hey why did you do this?' These decisions affect the rest of my life
Drew: Uh huh.. yep..
Cowboy: We ride together, we die together, bad boys for life.. actually horsemen for life

The tension builds as they record farewells to each other.. Diane goes back for a second shot at Drew's.. in a rare convo, Diane & Cowboy sum up the last 11 weeks in a few words.. then they play four-square, arguing over the rules and referring to "people in line".. Drew reminisces about tetherball

Diane (at photo wall): How did you get all the way through this game without pissing anyone off?
Cowboy: Who?
Diane: You guys
Cowboy: Being ourselves
Diane: I was myself!

The big "uh-oh" of the day comes when Diane examines Drew's luggage and the tags his mom put on his bags.. then the boys try to pack her away, but Cowboy fits better

Diane: Is that your phone number? That's easy to remember!
Diane (singsong voice): I know your phone number
Diane: I can't believe that's your phone number.. that's so easy to remember!
Drew: Heh

Cowboy's all packed except for his hats and is as amazed as we are at the amount of clothes Drew has.. he goes down for a nap as the other two pack around him

Cowboy: Prettyboy, you're such a girl

Diane offers to help Drew, but he says he doesn't want things wrinkled.. he keeps pulling out more and more stuff and stacking it up, neatly

Diane: Drew, you're such a girl.. I'm dating a girl.. just call me gay
Drew: It's called metrosexual
Diane: Like I said, just call me gay
Diane: I can't believe I know your phone number.. I'm really good at remembering phone numbers
Drew: They have to give us some extra bags

Diane naps.. Drew can't sleep so he starts his laundry.. Cowboy follows..Drew says he keeps trying not to think about anything

Cowboy: She's still thinking that the jury hates her
Drew: That's so not true!
Cowboy: They gonna be questions tomorrow?
....
(Drew tells Cowboy that he slipped the other night when Diane asked about final two)
Cowboy: When Nakomis was here, she kinda said, moreless cuz your dad's got money, she don't want you to win it

Diane joins them and announces she'll make them a fish dinner - she's happy - then she goes to diary for a third attempt at her goodbye to Drew.. Drew cusses inside lockdown since he left his laundry too late again and still has a lot to do

Diane: I've never made fish before, but I think I can do it.. when they ask me what I've learned in here, I'll tell 'em I learned how to cook!
....
Drew: She has to think that hard to say her goodbye speech? Makes me feel real good!
Cowboy: Do I have to be scared of her?
Drew: Dude! No way.. it just makes me feel shitty!
Cowboy: I know some of the things women have done
Drew: You should see the goodbye I gave you, it was funny! I should have said 'I know you aren't leaving'
Cowboy: She just scares me
Drew: Don't be scared, man.. I guarantee you man.. she's the kind of girl that just goes for the guys who make her think she looks good
Cowboy: She treats you like shit!
Drew: All I'm saying is I'm gonna have the last laugh.. dude, she's such a bitch sometimes!

Meanwhile, Diane's still mostly packed from Thursday, but she has new problems: as her shirt proclaims, she's got nothing to wear tomorrow.. she goes back & forth between her walk-in closets, cycling through her fashion show rejects again

Females and metrosexuals everywhere can feel her pain.. then she comes up with an idea and presents it for Drew's approval

Diane: What if I wore something plain.. but I could do my hair up all curly, and wear lots of jewelry?
Drew: Ok.. think they'll give us some extra bags?

They finally make some progress packing.. Drew & Diane tag-team an overpacked bag into submission and line it up with the others

They all enjoy the dinner.. Cowboy thanks Diane for making it, Drew doesn't.. Diane sets up new temporary headquarters in the eviction corner.. later she snuggles with Drew and they whisper about Cowboy.. Cowboy lies awake listening, and nervousing

Diane: This place is so pretty when we don't have slobs around to mess it up
Drew: Best it's ever looked
....
Drew: At least you can believe what people say, 75% of the time.. it's gonna be weird seeing everyone
Diane: I hope people aren't gonna be sour, cuz they didn't make it to the end
....
Diane: We can't stop kissing like dogs
Drew: Thanks, that makes me feel real good.. I kiss like a dog

When picking your favorites for tomorrow's HOH winner and the evictee to get this close and go home with nothing, remember that it doesn't matter who wins unless you're a second cousin or better.. instead, consider which two of this sloppy trio you'd like to spend the weekend with:

Drew & Diane could mean awkward "uh-oh, now what" moments; knock-down drag-out fights like we've never seen before; and/or really dull, inept sex

Drew & Cowboy means we can get out of the house and back to our lives til the Tuesday finale: nothing will happen.. it'll be like weaning us off the habit gradually

Diane & Cowboy is the wildcard matchup: no telling what that would be like.. but it's a fair bet it would be interesting

How to pick a winner

It was a dull day in the hamster cage, with a lot of poopy incidents.. but I think in these dog days of the season, we need to decide who we're rooting for or against, and why

We're all at a disadvantage due to this ugly orange chair in the ugly purple room: we should be able to watch diaries as they happen, unedited, like we're able to watch most of the rest of it, in order to form accurate judgements of which hamsters are worthy of our vote and which get kicked to the curb.. (It doesn't matter that we don't have a vote: we like to think that we do).. The real jury is also denied the crucial diary portions of our program, so they too need to adopt one of these methods to choose a winner:

Played the best game
This is the popular, politically-correct method that everyone claims to use, but nobody really does.. nearly every 'game' falls into one of the other categories

Lied the best/most
This one's a little squirrely as it crosses over into ethical/unethical territory, and that leads to arguments about politics and/or religion, and that leads to flame wars and 'yo momma' cracks every time.. BB2's Will is the exception here: he won cuz he skirted the moral issues and flat-out lied about everything - except the fact that he was a liar

Needs the money most
Puh-leez! We all 'need' a half million dollars! Anyone who goes on a tv show to pay their Visa bill or cuz they can't scrape together the next car payment should consider credit counseling, bankruptcy, gambling, or steady employment: we're all tired of the sob stories (this means you, Cowboy)

Cutest/sexiest/dreamiest
An obvious front-runner for internet fans, but more jury members are closet cutest-sexiest-dreamiest voters than they'll admit

Smartest player
A favorite for internet fans and jury alike, it's what most really mean when they say 'best game'.. basically it means 'smarter than me'.. Given the fact that we're dealing with people who are spending the summer being humiliated for our enjoyment and pooping on camera, most hamsters are eliminated from this category by sending in their application

Played like I would
The big daddy for internet fans who haven't caught on that everyone's different and everyone does different things for different reasons.. it's the most popular judging criteria and the dumbest: they aren't you! get over it

Backstabbing revenge
One of the elimination categories, this one's about rooting for anyone except the player who took out your favorite (or yourself, if on the jury).. this one usually decides the winner.. in gamespeak it's also known as 'nothing personal'

Creeped me out
Another elimination category, this is rooting for anyone except the player who gives you the willies or reminds you of your ex.. more popular among internet fans than the jury, which is odd: they're the ones who lived with the creepies - we can shut 'em off

I just like him/her
Hands-down easiest method because it requires no reasons or explanations, making it the best category for avoiding involvement in flame wars

Deserves to win
This means you don't know or don't care and are probably just afraid of getting involved in a flame war.. back it up with something or shift over to 'I just like him/her'

Most entertaining
A personal favorite, but let's face it: the ones that entertain us the most are usually the ones that drive them nuts inside.. there's probably a connection

Played with integrity
This is a nice pipe-dream for optimists and romantics, but not much more: in reality tv, the good die young

I hate them all equally
Most feedsters end up here sooner or later

(observant HamsterWatch regulars will notice I use different categories for the daily ratings.. in case you're wondering, it's random)

Special public opinion edition: it's time to get out while the gettin's good
Cowboy's skates courtesy of attw x

He's getting on my nerves, and everyone else's too. It isn't that he's a horrible person (compared to his housemates anyway) but he just won't shut up. We (and they) already know what he's going to say but he still takes 20 minutes to say it. Still, he doesn't deserve the brutal treatment he's getting out here: hating on the guy for his accent or bone structure is just asinine, and dragging the lovely April and innocent Chasen into it is despicable (I suspect many of his haters are jealous of his obvious love and devotion to them.) It just proves he's made an impact and has everyone's attention.. he is after all, still there. I don't like him much so I'm tired of sticking up for him, and would only like to know why he's apparently letting Drew's big lie and Diane's unpretty insult slide. As for the awful things being said about him in there: he told D&D to just tell him if he's being an ass.. it's not his fault that they don't. Easy fix for those who say 'I can't stand to watch him!' - shut it off.

She's getting more venomous to Cowboy and herself daily, in equal proportions. Her self-esteem has plummeted to the point that even she's aware of it: up til now her anti-Diane comments were largely fishing for compliments and morale boosters. But lately she's become a broken record of how awful she looks, how much she hates Cowboy, and how much she needs to be assured that Drew will remain in her universe when this is all over. She's hated out here for the same things she hates herself for, and that's truly sad. Her fans say she's played a great game - which she has - but I think it's more side effect than strategy. Her misguided self-defense habits kept her alive early on, and everything since has been to further Drew's gaming career in the hopes that she'll get the boy and share the bounty. I have to wonder how much different it would have been for her without a Drew in there. Her over-stuffed 'nothing to wear' shirt was beyond ironic as she wailed the same words today while sorting and packing her mountains of clothes. No excusing today's macaroni incident though: it was just plain mean.

Even his die-hard fans are coming around to see the 'nice boy' isn't very nice at all, as he's spewing his nasty words about both Diane and Cowboy on a regular, revolving basis now. He's stressing over his big upcoming decisions: will his overblown male ego let him intentionally lose a competition? Is he too much of a coward to risk 'looking bad' by either breaking the girl's heart or letting down the brother on national tv? It's good to see the guy sweat for a change: he's led both his cohorts to believe he's made future commitments to them outside the game, and that's just wrong.. every dumb jock knows what out of bounds means. He's either a misogynist or a traitor - possibly both - and the pathetic part is that he's only here so daddy will be proud of him. He has more clothes than a mall, and most of them aren't the new ones.. but he told Diane proudly that 'it's called metrosexual.'

I bet the meetings at Shapiro/Grodner and CBS are tense this week: first Nik's explosion when (apparently) only interns were on duty, and now a fat budget chunk for quake simulations, hover-cam, and lovingly-crafted foam rocks prepared for the 9½ hour endurance girl all down the drain in about 40 minutes. We have a tie for out-of-context crimes on Tuesday's show: first up, Drew & Diane's pre-veto convo (in which he's grinning like a maniac) was presented as back-story to all the deals that led us here, and fodder for the romance subplot. The real story is that Drew was severely agitated at the time from a) Cowboy's having just confronted him about his six-fingered Jase Erase lie; b) Drew was hiding that from Diane while sliding into his interrogator role with her for yet another (innocent) convo of hers; and c) diary room was repeatedly beckoning Drew to report (likely about the dressing-down Cowboy had given him). Also, both Drew & Diane were irritated by Cowboy's incessant visits to their lovenest. No hint of any of this was given, letting viewers believe that Diane & Drew have emotionally-charged conversations routinely, like any other prime time couple. (It's not that I want to keep track of all these petty details, but this site has proved to be a handy reference for who's wearing what when.. that was fashion show night, and Drew didn't wear that too-tight green shirt for long: he'd made it clear he hated it.) The other outrageously out-of-context crime was in not giving any indication of the booze involved in Nik's meltdown: she was smashed. But to their credit, they didn't pretend the breakdown hadn't taken place, nor did they air any of the 'I can't believe what I'm seeing' portions which made up the bulk of the ordeal. It was presented tastefully, in a way that shouldn't haunt the normally-reserved girl or make her feel ashamed of letting her emotions get the best of her. (The sappy music was ridiculously over the top though.) All in all, another horrendous translation of what really goes on, pulled up to neutral only for their classy treatment of Nik's 'little thing' and cuz Julie seemed a little afraid of her in the boudoir kiss 'n cry.

'The Smart One' turned out to have perspective & ethics, and garnered respect for being herself. Overcame ratings-based emotional blackmail and proved that reality tv needs real people.

First out for playing well, but chameleon strategy is better defense than offense. Elevated the game with empathy, Oscar-caliber acting, and right-on-target rants. Most photogenic by far.