Dingo's Hamster Watch - Big Brother 5

"Position the habitat of your hamster somewhere light and airy,
away from drafts, heaters, direct sunlight and other pets.
Never put it on or near a television, radio or hi-fi or a fridge."

This site isn't about who should win, who will win, who I'd be friends with, or who is cute. It's about watching hamsters: which ones are doing what and why. Which are fun and which are dull. If they aren't entertaining, get rid of 'em! More to come, bookmark & come back! .. that dingo

Linkage

Daily feed recaps & opinion ratings navigation tool for this often-biased site
HamsterWatch Big Brother 8 here we go again
HamsterWatch Big Brother 7 Hamster all-stars in the house
HamsterWatch Big Brother 6 time to do it all over again
CBS Big Brother 5 the official site
Housecalls live web show with Marcellas, also archived shows
TV Updates feed updates, screencaps, and fun boards - easy to use and functional!
bb5fan's 30 second refresh screencaps if you don't have feeds (great at work!)
Hollyisms and Cowboyisms and Lisa-isms from me, that dingo person
Sir LinksALot Big Brother 5 all the links
Reality TV Links emphasis on individual hamsters' sites
Aldav has all of the edgier stuff & the best mini-recaps in town (alternate url)

9/15/04 - Day 76 >> to the future >> dwell in the past >> latest

It's the cheesiest

You know it's love when he spells out
I THINK YOU'RE HOT in macaroni while
she's off eating cereal and parannoying..
especially when he adds a smiley face

And signs it Big Brother

Everybody say awwwww

Psychological assaults around the card table continue unabated.. Drew scowls and picks his package when Diane heads off to her headquarters.. a quads check-in shows zero hamsters, three fish, and.. what's this? Skywriting is back??

Diane: I never look this ugly.. I've never had such low self-esteem as I've had inside this house
(Drew nods, but gives her a hug)
Diane: And then I have to compete with you, and you're ten times prettier than me!
Drew: Shut up!

Nope, not a message from above: it's Drew and his pasta, and an anxious wait for us to see how he'll express his undying love.. noodle by noodle.. Diane's nervousing over cornflakes as he spells, sure that something's up.. she's right this time

Then it's fishies as CBS holds back yet another must-see moment from "unlimited access 24/7" denying us her reaction for an on-air exclusive, along with the next stage of the final HOH competition.. which she loses.. to Cowboy.. she rants

Diane: I didn't want you to have to be the one to put him out
Diane (crying): I knew every answer but that one! I thought it'd be easy.. those were the easiest questions in the world except for the fucking morphomatic!
Diane (angry): I did not come this far to leave! You're smart though
Diane (pouting): I'm so sorry I let you down today.. and myself
Drew: Don't put that pressure on yourself
Diane (angry): You know what? This is cuz I asked him to put my hair back yesterday
Drew: No it's not
Diane (angry): I don't want to play cards with him anymore, let him play cards by himself! I'm sorry.. fuck him!! He's going down

Diane (bitter): All I wanted was to get HOH so I could get a fucking letter from home
Diane: I'm not trying to be a sore loser
Drew: You're not
Diane: Here come the cameras.. uh-oh! Here comes a tear, catch it! I'm mad at myself.. I'm really lucky though..
Drew: How so?
Diane (cooey): Because of you, because somebody like you could walk into my life
Cowboy: Do you hate me?
Diane: No I don't hate you, I'm just mad at myself for that stupid morphomatic question
Cowboy: Give me a hug

Drew continues to make the same promise to both Diane and Cowboy.. and to confide in Cowboy that he's lying to Diane.. he talks badly about each of them to the other.. internet fans battle over which one he's really lying to

Diane: He does not deserve to win this game!
Drew: I know
Diane: I can't believe how ugly I am in this house! You're gonna be so surprised to see me be so cocky when I'm cute again
Drew: You're so critical of yourself
....
Cowboy: Did she tell you? Does she know??
Drew: She just wanted to win that
Drew: Why do they use the same pictures of us every time?
Cowboy: I don't know, I don't like that either
Drew: They should let us pick which pictures of ourselves we want to use
dingo: Drew dislikes both of them most of the time.. he's used to having a girl on his arm and may not see or care how hard Diane's fallen for him.. he doesn't show signs of serious feelings for her (even their makeout sessions are without intimacy).. he's also used to hanging with the boys, and high-five's Cowboy with 'horsemen to the end'.. that fraternity loyalty thing is big, and he's cocky about still being here when he's with Cowboy.. it's very hard to call, but I say if he has the choice he'll take Cowboy, though I wouldn't place a large bet on it.. and we may never know

Alone, Drew talks to himself.. with Cowboy he trashes Diane & grunts at Cowboy's endless ramblings.. with Diane he trashes Cowboy & grunts at Diane's endless tirades.. all together, they're card-playing zombies.. then they separate and do it all again

Drew (alone): I'm such an idiot!
....
Drew (coming out of diary room): You promised.. right?
Cowboy: Right, you've seen the promises I've made in this game
Drew: Yea, your word is gold
Cowboy: Right, friendship is more important than girls.. you know what I mean
Drew: Riiiiiight.. I know, I know
(Cowboy talks for days.. you know the topics)
....
Diane: We're doing what Cowboy wants to do in the house now.. I absolutely love how people's true colors come out when they win anything! I don't think my attitude changed much when I won HOH or either veto
(Drew imitates & mocks Cowboy)
(Diane imitates & mocks April)
Drew: He's a loser baby.. so why don't you kill him
Drew: He just snapped in that endurance, the one that you won
....
Drew (studying): I got the HOHs
Diane: I got the veto competitions down
Drew: Do you?
(Diane tutors him)
....
Diane (coming out of diary room): Now the ass-kissing must begin

Diane frets at the fishies, frets at her nails while the boys concoct a basketball hoop from a cardboard box, and frets at the fishies some more.. she is nervousing

Action sequence! Drew dazzles the crowd with spins and leaps, and mostly misses the cardboard box.. Cowboy flies and shoots, and scores more dunks

On the sidelines, Diane's designated cheerleader role consists of telling how she didn't make the squad (and the bitches who did).. then she mopes into the night, awaiting the end of the season.. ass-kissing in earnest with fake smiles at appropriate times

I'm gonna puke.. (are you watching?)

At bedtime Diane claims to be really drunk..
She's had some booze, but we've seen her really drunk.. and it didn't look like this

After a short color-coded Bible lesson, it's lights out and we arrive at the moment when we've officially heard it all from Diane: "The lotion on my hands is too strong, it's making me nauseous"

She whines in the dark about having to puke.. Drew keeps telling her "So go puke".. she finally coerces him into escorting her to the bathroom (she's smiling and not wobbling along the way).. once there, she plops onto a stool, still whining, and.. he holds her hair! It's love! It's love! Take that, cynics and internet scoffers!

Oops, false alarm.. he's just petting her a little while she re-ponies her tail.. he shoves her into the bathroom "Go puke" but she bounces out "I can't".. Drew wanders off muttering "You should puke".. Diane seems stone cold sober when she's alone, and looks like she's trying to think of something else that might work

Back in bed she's very drunk again.. "I still have to puke".. "So go puke".. she makes the long trek back & forth through the house several times, never staggering or stumbling along the way.. checking in at her headquarters each time for her rituals

On one return trip to bed, Cowboy & Drew are playing We Switched Places again.. she cozies up to Cowboy, kissing him and whispering "I have to puke".. she jumps up screaming when she realizes it's a rerun but she doesn't puke.. on another sober journey back from her headquarters Drew jumps out from behind a corner scaring her.. and she doesn't puke again

Eventually she gives up and they sleep.. Cowboy gets up to play solitaire, make popcorn, spill popcorn, sweep up popcorn, and get more popcorn.. he farts at one point and says 'excuse me' to the darkness

Later Drew wakes up Diane by talking in his sleep and she can't go back to sleep.. another no-puke trip to headquarters.. she tosses & turns when she gets back to bed

The doofus beat Diane. I have to hand it to him for a stunning comeback from Ponytailgate. Mr. Integrity's integrity is in question here at HamsterWatch, and Mr. Family Values kicked his sister to the curb, but even as the hatefest among internet fans reaches epidemic proportions, he scores yet another crucial victory for remembering more silly facts about the over-budget morphomatic contraption. Maybe he guessed, but she didn't throw this one to him. I don't like sticking up for him but credit where due: the guy farted while playing solitaire at 2am, and said 'excuse me'.. to nobody. That's all I got. Neutral.

Feedsters were denied what were probably her two best moments today: her reaction to a surprise macaroni graffiti mash note from her One True Love, and within the hour, losing stage two to that guy she hates. She should be neutralized by default, but she rallied her way to ups tonight by falling back on the old Pretend I'm Drunk And Have To Puke attention ploy. It probably didn't help the budding romance, but it's the kind of stuff we buy the feeds for. In these last crucial days, she might be taking the Cosmo 'Test His Love' quiz a bit too far by her increasingly erratic behavior around Drew and her increasingly ratty appearance.. I'm all for 'comfortable' but this is the looks-obsessed chick who buys her makeup by the pound. Diane, there's a happy medium somewhere between your live show cat-house look and 'look what the cat dragged in.' Trust me.

Today he said he would spend the winnings by taking Mom/Dad/Ben on a vacation cuz 'they work too hard' and that's when it sunk in: he thinks he's starring in an after-school special and he has to set off out into the cold, alone and twinless, cuz only he can save his destitute family from death. Or maybe from poverty. Basically I think he just wants to be a hero at the dinner table and that's how he's justifying his cruelty to Diane's inner pain and his jerking Cowboy around by his blind (but genuine) loyalty. HamsterWatch rules say lies are fine in the game, but not when they cause lasting wounds. Rock and hard place deluxe: the snake can't win the HOH and remain hidden in the grass, but he can't stand to lose anything. We're in for a treat either way.

I bet the meetings at Shapiro/Grodner and CBS are tense this week: first Nik's explosion when (apparently) only interns were on duty, and now a fat budget chunk for quake simulations, hover-cam, and lovingly-crafted foam rocks prepared for the 9½ hour endurance girl all down the drain in about 40 minutes. We have a tie for out-of-context crimes on Tuesday's show: first up, Drew & Diane's pre-veto convo (in which he's grinning like a maniac) was presented as back-story to all the deals that led us here, and fodder for the romance subplot. The real story is that Drew was severely agitated at the time from a) Cowboy's having just confronted him about his six-fingered Jase Erase lie; b) Drew was hiding that from Diane while sliding into his interrogator role with her for yet another (innocent) convo of hers; and c) diary room was repeatedly beckoning Drew to report (likely about the dressing-down Cowboy had given him). Also, both Drew & Diane were irritated by Cowboy's incessant visits to their lovenest. No hint of any of this was given, letting viewers believe that Diane & Drew have emotionally-charged conversations routinely, like any other prime time couple. (It's not that I want to keep track of all these petty details, but this site has proved to be a handy reference for who's wearing what when.. that was fashion show night, and Drew didn't wear that too-tight green shirt for long: he'd made it clear he hated it.) The other outrageously out-of-context crime was in not giving any indication of the booze involved in Nik's meltdown: she was smashed. But to their credit, they didn't pretend the breakdown hadn't taken place, nor did they air any of the 'I can't believe what I'm seeing' portions which made up the bulk of the ordeal. It was presented tastefully, in a way that shouldn't haunt the normally-reserved girl or make her feel ashamed of letting her emotions get the best of her. (The sappy music was ridiculously over the top though.) All in all, another horrendous translation of what really goes on, pulled up to neutral only for their classy treatment of Nik's 'little thing' and cuz Julie seemed a little afraid of her in the boudoir kiss 'n cry.

'The Smart One' turned out to have perspective & ethics, and garnered respect for being herself. Overcame ratings-based emotional blackmail and proved that reality tv needs real people.

First out for playing well, but chameleon strategy is better defense than offense. Elevated the game with empathy, Oscar-caliber acting, and right-on-target rants. Most photogenic by far.