1:20am BBT feeds 1/2
Tyler alone in jenga room
Tyler: Dang im nervous. im worried. i just have to say this outloud. Im really worried. so worried about Angela. it sucks. in cant believe .. i can't tell JC or Kaycee cuz it will screw my game.
Im worried man. I don't know nobody is watching this shit but damn i genuinely love that girl and i hope that i didn't fuck it up. I hope i didn't fuck up this game. but for some reason I can not get past this. trying to prep for my final speech and all i can think about is this shit.
My friends told me not to throw away 1/2 million for a girl. for some fucking reason that is all im thinking about is the girl and not the 1/2 million.
So i need to speak this outloud get it out of my head so it goes away. I got JC telling me that she will never talk to me again after this and he's probably right. i cant get itn out of my head. Successful fitness model, business woman, Olympian what the fuck do i have to offer? Fucking Lifeguard!
I look so stupid at this shit. i really do Love that girl and i don't know if she is playing the game. but DAMN!! That would suck.
I don't know if anyone is still watching live feeds but I want you guys to know how aware I am of all the shit that is going on. I know you hated hard core on me hated hard core on Angela and hating hard core on me being a bitch right now but honestly i dont give a fuck.
I love this game. I came here to win. And i'm going to win!
Im just worried that i screwed up something real with that girl and im even worried if it's even real in the 1st place! I know it's real for me.
You're all going to have your own opinions. It's not the easiest thing in the world to find someone that you actually really care about. And that you can see yourself with and i never ever felt like that about anybody. I had to compete against her and had to keep promises that I made before i even realized how cool she was just to win this.
Im being such a bitch. i hope the live feeds are off.. cuz fuck. i just needed to talk this out. it's just as much i fell in love with her. i fell in love with this game. and i would do anything to be here and to get her and i'm so close. but man i would be heartbroken if i lost both.
May not seem like it but i really dont have much self confidence and i just have to be positive. and not having her around here just sucks. especially when i got people telling me that she will just drop me in a second. And those are the only people i've got to talk to. So i start believing it. I have to over power myself.
It's only 2 more days but damn. if it's actually true I'll be crushed. I gotta get over this shit real quick and start prepping.
I need to win. i'm gonna win. IM GONNA WIN. I AM GOING TO WIN!!! And she is going to understand.
That's it I just needed to talk to myself.
1:34am Tyler heads back to bed
